what do i have to show for it?

ahh, Guitar Hero. where anyone can "rock the casbah." or is it lick the cat box? i'm not quite sure. for Christmas Lauren's brother, Stephen, received Guitar Hero II. when the gift giving was finished Guitar Hero was broken out of it's box and plugged in. there were a few of us there who had played a few times, but most hadn't. it was fun to watch people grab the guitar and rock out. one of my favorite moments was watching Lauren's dad, Terry, play an Anthrax song. if you knew Lauren's dad, this would make you giggle a little, too.

as we were playing, i was reminded of something i had read a month ago. i don't remember the exact quote, but it was something along the lines of "[my] generation being an experiential generation." the author gave some reasons for their statement, most having to do with technology. for example, we now have the ability to travel to the top of Everest via an IMAX theater. while the majority of the population couldn't make the trek, we have the desire to see what it is like. so, we have sent camera crews up the summit to document everything. HD T.V.'s (is that really how you write that?) are designed and marketed to give us a "life-like" viewing experience. have you seen the commercial that shows a family sitting in their living room watching a golf match on their TV? the golfer hits a ball into the deep rough and then starts to look for it. the golfer and the caddy can't find the ball, but the people in the living room can and they are yelling and pointing to the ball, that they can see because their TV is so life like-perhaps, better than life.

video games are becoming more and more life-like. the graphics are getting better and better. game play is becoming more and more realistic. Tony Hawk's Project 8 just came out. I played the demo at Best Buy last week. it was really sweet. the movement of the characters is incredible. i noticed the placement of the feet on the board was different for different skaters. no longer is there one skater with different skins to make the different skaters. the skaters carry their own personalities. i'm sure this is true with many of the games coming out now, but i noticed this in this game because i skate. during the bails, in particular, i can relate to the feeling of falling as they do in the game. the bails are getting more realistic- some of the ways that the characters bail are ways that i have bailed myself. last week i played the Nintendo Wii for the first time. if you haven't played it yet, you should. they put a gyro in the remote and a sensor bar that works with the remote via Bluetooth (i think). the gyro makes the remote motion sensitive, so if you move right the character will respond in a similar way.

here's the rub:
when i play Tony Hawk games it make me want to go out and skate. but when i do, i suck. the tricks that i can do in real life are utterly boring compared to what i can do in the game. when i played the bowling game for the Wii, i bowled a strike my first time playing the game. i bowled better, in the three frames i played, than i usually do in a whole game. i could probably bowl a 300 game on the Wii, but go to a bowling alley and bowl a 40. i can rock out on Guitar Hero and play Free Bird, but when it comes to actually playing that song i'm awful.

going back to the quote i mentioned earlier: [my] generation being an experiential generation. as i've thought about this quote i think i might disagree, to a point. dictionary.com defines 'experiential' as "pertaining to or derived from experience." and it defines 'experience' as a "particular instance of personally encountering or undergoing something." with the direction technology has been taking things i think we are not becoming a "experiential generation," but rather some sort of "pseudo-experiential generation." our pseudo-experiences are only as good as long as the power button is on. when the power goes off i have nothing to show for my experiences-except maybe a few calloused thumbs.

i wonder if this is cultivating a shallow generation? if my experiences are limited to video games and movies are they really my experiences? what do you think?

new thoughts. it's about time.

i've had a number of thoughts swelling in my mind lately. here's a few. i'll probably make these into a few posts.
last week there was a lot of snow out here. i spent 3 days, gladly stuck at Lauren's house with her and her family. we were stuck under 34 inches of beautiful snow. we watched a few movies. ate some food. general frivolity.


here's a thought on love.

i think, as i find myself in love with Lauren, my view of life is altered. love has done this for me. i see things and translate things different because of love.
here's the example i've noticed:
Lauren and i enjoy watching movies together. there have been many times, as we watch together, that we squeeze each others hands or turning to each other because we are watching something that seems to be a part of who we are. people acting with characteristics that seem to mirror characteristics of our life and love. it seems as if we become more aware of what we are watching, more familiar with what is around us.
i don't know that i am explaining this well. am i? let me try this. Todd gave us a beautiful statue of two greek gods (i'm sorry if i'm not getting this right, Todd). that statue is of a man sitting on rock with his love leaning against his body. the woman has her head tilted back and the man is leading his head forward to kiss the womans forehead. when Lauren and i saw this we both noticed the placement of the kiss. we both love the statue, but it seemed to have special meaning because the statue is centered around a kiss to a forehead. when i look at the statue i am reminded of my love for Lauren.
am i crazy or does anyone else know what i'm talking about?

i have been busy.

i haven't been blogging as often as i would like to.

i have been consumed with the realization that i'm loosing my job and getting married in the same month.

i have been struggling with a passion to be involve in ministry as a career, but knowing that as things stand right now that passion comes in conflict with the people whom i care about. is there a way to do both?

i have been realizing how little i actually pray. i pray quite a bit, but most of the prayers are about me and the specific situation i'm currently in. i want to devote more time to praying for other people. i want to devote more time to petitioning for other people.


i have been learning how to love Lauren better. i've been learning, unfortunately i haven't always been doing it.

i have been missing people from my past. Kris, Matt, Donnie. i miss having you around to talk with. i miss sharing life face to face.

i have been waiting in anticipation for GOD's salvation. Lord let your glory fall.

i have become more excited to see what GOD is doing with Satellite.

i have grown more and more in love with Lauren. i feel increasingly blessed for her comfort. i love the questions she asks and the answers she has. i love to watch her care for people.

quick update:

i brought Chipotle to the meeting.
it was good, but i guess i didn't need it.

no one asked if i was doing ok.

it's pouring now.

you're all familiar with the phrase, "when it rains, it pours" right? well, it's officially pouring. here's a quick rundown of the last 6 days.

Thursday:
i met with my boss at church to find out that because of the current financial situation , the church council decided that it was going to cut financial support to Satellite. yes, this includes my job. yes, this is the second time in two years that the church has cut the ministries that are geared toward college students/young adults. after finding this out i headed out to my car to drive off to another meeting. i got in my car, turned the key and nothing happened. during the two weeks leading up to last thursday i had a new radiator and water pump installed in my car. because of all the work being done i have been with out a car for most of the two weeks. at this point i've become used to walking, so i left my car and walked a few blocks to the place that i had my next meeting. i decided to leave my car where it stalled and come back for it some other time.
Friday:
friday wasn't a very good day. i was still reeling from knowing what was going on with my job and the people who are involved in Satellite. i still felt like i had been kicked in the gut. i wanted to tell everyone the news at the same time. so later in the evening i made phone calls to people to invite them over to my house to tell them the news before they heard about it in Sunday. these were some of the hardest phone calls i've had to make. i needed to be vague. i hoped that the calls would go to voice mail. it was so hard talking to people and not being able to tell them what was going on. i was able to talk to Lauren about it. that was a huge help, but even when i wanted to form words and put sentences together silence was all i had. her greatest comfort to me was her presence. i still had no answers to what was going on. i was still angry at the council's decision.
Saturday:
i called a mechanic about my car. they weren't open on the weekend, so i had to wait until Monday to talk to them. Saturday night people came over to talk. as people came in the house i could see the concern on their faces. it was so hard. my senior pastor was there to explain things. this was a big help. he needed to tell them. he shared what was going on and fielded some question for a few hours, and then left us to talk alone. there were a few obvious feelings from people: frustration, hurt, hope. the first two i expected. the third i didn't expect to hit for a few days. people were at my house for over 4 hours.
Sunday:
it was so hard to go to church. i felt betrayed. not only was there the regular church service, but we had an annual business meeting after the service. it was at this meeting that the council was going to tell the congregation about it's decision to cut funding to Satellite and the other things that needed to be cut. i knew i needed to be there. it was helpful to have Lauren, Krista, and Whitney there too. i was surprised at the vocal support that Satellite received from the congregation. but in the end the vote to accept the budget passed, deciding that Satellite would loose funding in March. it was frustrating to hear someone talk about my generation as "the generation that's leaving the church the quickest." (my comment wanted to be about how my generation isn't leaving the church, we're going to find the church) The comment makes sense because churches are choosing to cut funding to ministries geared toward the "kids" who are "leaving the church the quickest." it seems obvious to me, i must be missing something. there was a lady who made a comment about how the church isn't kicking Satellite out they just don't have a budget anymore. Satellite can still use the building and resources and stuff. bull shit.
Monday:
i dropped my car off at the mechanic. he said he would look at it and give me a call tomorrow. i spent a good portion of the day wavering back and forth on whether Satellite should stay with the church or try and be "church" on our own.
Today:
i found out my car is going to cost $1175 to fix the blown head gaskets. and i've got to go sit in a staff meeting today. i think i'm going to eat during the staff meeting. i'll just take a big bite of food when i think someone is going to ask me a question like, "how are you doing with all of this."

you give and take away
you give and take away
my heart will choose to say
LORD blessed be your name.

the deafening sound of silence...

for those of you who have seen The Fountain you might have a visual of the situation.

do you remember the scene when Hugh's character was walking down the street? the only sound was the sound of his footsteps crunching snow on the sidewalk. he was deaf to the rest of the world. finally, he was shocked back to reality as a car horn honked as it nearly ran him over. when i saw that scene i really liked it. i really enjoyed the visual and audible effect. i had a moment like that today.

i had just finished a very serious meeting. i walked out to my car to head to another meeting. as i turned the key to my car nothing happened. my car wouldn't start. my next meeting was 4 blocks away, so i started to walk. as i walked down the sidewalk of a very busy street i heard nothing but my footsteps. my mind was blank--numb. the world around me seemed to disappear.

the silence
i experienced
during that
walk was painful.

there wasn't a point when i was shaken back to reality for me.
it was more of a gradual thing.

but that
time of silence
was deafening.

World AIDS Day

[info from worldaidsday.com]
1981 had the first documented case of AIDS (then referred to as GRID). "Around forty million people are living with HIV throughout the world - and that number increases in every region every day. In the UK alone, more than 60,000 people are living with HIV and more than 7,000 more are diagnosed every year. Ignorance and prejudice are fueling the spread of a preventable disease."

if you've spent much time online today i imagine that you've seen something or another about (red). it's something Bono helped get started. you buy things from companies who are (red) companies and part of the money they make from your purchase goes to buying medicine that can help people with AIDS. i think this is a great idea. i like this idea because it plays on the consumerist nature of our culture. it's like saying, "all you have to do is keep spending money and you can help people." this is the type of cause that the US can get behind. it takes no commitment, other than having a red phone or t-shirt, and it's a really easy way to feel good about helping other people. "i really want to help people, so i bought a t-shirt. now whenever i wear it i'll remind myself how i helped someone else. i'm such a good person."

i realize that i might come across as annoyed, but that's cause i am. why is it that we need to receive something in return to help someone else. i often find myself saying that it's not about what i'm getting in return, it's about helping a particular person or cause. but when i get stopped by the waist-high cub scout, standing in front of King Soopers nervously asking people to buy popcorn for $15 a box instead of buying the same amount of popcorn for a fifth of the price inside, why don't i just hand him the money and tell him to keep the popcorn? instead i take my box of popcorn home with me and complain about how the popcorn wasn't even worth $15.
i get the feeling that (red) is playing off this psychology. for some reason, people wont give money to people in need unless they get something in return. shame on me. me, who believes that all i have is a gift from GOD. me, who says he trusts that GOD will provide all i need. how did i get here?

for the whole of my life AIDS has been a part of the world. i want to be a part of helping AIDS loose the devastating power it has had over the world for the last 25 years. i want to do something. but i want to do more than buy a GAP t-shirt. i want to be with people. i want my life to touch theirs. how do i do this with where i'm at in life right now. is there anything i can do beyond buying stuff? what do you think?

:on winter:

the crunch of snow packing underfoot...
the sparkle of the sun reflecting off the snow...
the gasp of cold air refreshing warm lungs...
the sway of pine boughs holding the weight of snow...
the path of wandering footprints...

...is a reminder that winter has arrived.

thoughts about the two videos....

i've been sitting on this video for a while. i couldn't quite figure out how to put both videos in one post. if you know how to do this, let me know.


a few thoughts from the video:
1. i forget that Billy Graham was young once. the majority of videos and images of him show him as a frail old man. he was once young and vibrant. it's true
2. i think Billy was acting as Jesus would with this interview. Jesus was often found hanging out with the "people," you know those "bad" people. Billy was quick witted, honest, and bold with his words. he didn't shy back or avoid anything Woody was asking.
3. a long time ago i read "Just As I Am" the autobiography of Billy Graham. watching this video reminded me of some of the early chapters of his life.
4. when i am in my 80's and look back on my life, and if i see that GOD has used me in 1/10000 of the ways that GOD used Billy, i will feel greatly blessed.

::enjoy::

Woody Allen Interviews Billy Graham??!!!

Woody Allen Interviews Billy Graham, Continued

whoa.

i've had a few post waiting in the draft column, but i've decided to scrap them.
i can believe how quickly this year is coming to an end.
the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas always passes by too quickly.
the realization of getting married continues to bring a smile to my face.
i feel bad about talking so long about seemingly so little last night.
i wish there was snow on the ground.
i need to get my car fixed.
i'm excited about going to the Nutcracker this weekend.
snowboarding wont come soon enough.
it's date night day.
i spend too much time on stuff and not enough time with people.
i've been missing people a few certain people lately.
the distance of a few miles is a poor excuse not to spend time with someone.
i wonder where i'll be a year from now.
i am still learning.

parachurch and church responsibilty

i recently wrote an email in which i took a short deviation and inserted a paragraph or so of my thoughts on "church." afterwards i came to the realization that while i have thought about the topic and had numerous conversations about it, i haven't really put my thoughts down in written words. i given myself a premature new years resolution of starting to write a book on the topic of "church." so i might make a few post here and there along this topic. and don't be surprised if i ask to interview you next year. i don't want to call this part 1 because it isn't really. it's just a part.


many years ago i felt called into ministry. at first i thought my calling was into youth ministry. i got involved with Young Life for a few years. Young Life is an amazing ministry aimed at taking the gospel to the lives of high school and junior high students. it would be considered a parachurch ministry meaning that it is designed to work "along side" of the church. Young Life will make the clear statement that they are not a church, nor is that their intention. their mission is to reach "every kid for Christ." they understand that their mission is to make students into followers of Christ and help them get plugged into a local church. this is often the hardest part of the ministry. Young Life is uses a weekly club meeting filled with messy games, crazy skits, loud music, and a short gospel message to reach students. but when kids come to know Christ and are encouraged to get plugged into a church it's difficult because the elements of club that the kids were drawn to are not found in a typical church. kids see a church where you have to sit and be still for an hour or more, and they want nothing to do with it. so most kids opt to stay in Young Life and struggle with growing in their faith, because Young Life is designed to expose kids to the gospel rather then help them grow deeper in their faith. this is where the relationship between church and parachurch becomes so important. if both ministries are doing what they are supposed to then evangelism and discipleship are being done.

i think i'd like to develop this both and idea of the parachurch needing the church and the church needing the parachurch. if you have any thoughts, i'd love to hear them.

question?

what's your definition of "church?"

i'm planning on making a post to give background for this question, but i wanted to separate the posts so the question wouldn't get lost in the other post. i would love your comments.

thanks.

first powder day of the year

alan slept in; gabe wasn't up for it. too bad. the snow was epic. 8" of fresh snow last night. first tracks for 3 runs. duck under the rope for knee-deep, untouched powder.

sometimes books pull me away from stagnation...

i've been trying to force myself to take time off. this isn't an easy thing for me. Lauren's been helping me though. yesterday morning i didn't work; not turning the computer on helped greatly. i spent a few hours reading "The Doctrine of Reconciliation" by Karl Barth. reading Barth makes my head hurt. i think i'm going to set a new years resolution to start this book over, and finish it in 2007. i like setting new years resolutions. i usually complete them. i'm also thinking of starting to work on a book.

as i was reading Barth i was reminded of a few other books that i'd been wanting to read, so off to Barns and Noble. thirty minutes later i was heading home with 1984 by George Orwell, The Secret Message of Jesus: Uncovering the Truth that Could Change Everything by Brian McLaren, and Organic Church by Neil Cole. i haven't bought any books lately, so my splurge seemed justified in my mind. i started reading Organic Church yesterday. in one of my classes at TIU one of my professors used the term "organic ministry." when this bas ook came out last year it made it's way to my "should eventually buy" list. i made it through a chapter and a half during my walk to work. i had to stop reading a few times to think. i had two thoughts that i want to work through. feel free to give some thoughts.

1. in thinking about ministry with Satellite: i wonder if Satellite should be in the ministry of planting home churches rather than small groups? as i was thinking through this and this first thing that popped into my head was the announcements that Gabe gave on Sunday. most of the announcements were for things going on hosted at the Ninja Den. why cant the Ninja Den be a church? granted the biggest reason for this not to happen is that people might not like the idea of home churches. but my guess is that the thoughts they have about them are just preconceived ideas because i don't really know anyone who has been a part of a home church.

i'm really intrigued by this idea. the more i try to understand my calling i think that planting churches might be part of it. which is becoming increasingly ironic because of the growing frustrations i have with the North American church. which is even more ironic because of my job.

2. i want to be able to put all of my time into ministry. it's hard for me to have a job that takes my time away from ministry. i've been questioning the thought of raising support. this scares me a lot. the fear of raising support is what kept me from going on staff with Young Life. I've been thinking about this possibility quite a bit lately, but as i was reading Organic Church yesterday i had a new thought along the lines of raising support. what if the support i raised wasn't to do ministry for the church, but for some other element of ministry? maybe i would be raising support as a missionary. i've got to think this through some more to develop what it is that i could be doing.

well, there you go.
enjoy.

GOD's history for us (old post)

the HomeTeams are reading through the book of Esther now. after spending a few weeks discussing the first few chapters together i'm realizing that it really is a different type of book than Philippians. Philippians was written as a letter from 2 people to a group of people. the words that they wrote were written as an outpouring of their hearts. however, with Esther it's very different. Esther was written down as a historical story of GOD's salvation (again) for his people. The story of Esther was to be told each year at the festival of purim to remind the Israelites that once again GOD had saved them.

i think it's easy for us to forget that history is an important part of our faith. i think that it's something we easily overlook. but there's a reason that there are more pages in the Bible dedicated to the history of GOD's people than to stories of Jesus. with history we can see GOD's provision and be sure that if he is a consistent GOD then he will continue with his provision. the life and death of Jesus is another part of that provision. please don't hear what i'm not saying; Jesus is important, so very important, but i think it's easy to neglect parts of the Bible that don't deal with Jesus. please take my words with grace, but what if the Bible isn't about Jesus, but about GOD. and the story of Jesus isn't the focal point of the story, but another part of the story of GOD? if this was true, and we read scripture in this context, i wonder what impact it would have on our lives?

So, i was sitting outside of Starbucks the other day...(old post)

...and that might come as a surprise to some of you, but I do that quite often. I was talking with someone, and a car pulled up and a dad and young son (4-5 years old, I'm guessing) got out of the car in the parking lot. They walked to the sidewalk and then the boy took off running all the while the dad was walking behind him. I was watching this happen as I was continuing my conversation with my friend. As the boy ran past me I hear him calling over his shoulder to his dad, "Tell me when to stop!" The dad called ahead to him, "Keep going." And the boy yelled again, "Tell me when to stop!" The dad called ahead, "Turn right up there," and the boy did.

When I couldn't hear them anymore, I turned my whole attention back to the conversation, and didn't really think much about it until I was leaving and saw them again- the boy out in front calling over his shoulder again. I stopped and watched them, and I thought that I was seeing a really cool picture of GOD interacting with his children. I wonder how often I'm like that little boy? How many times do I take off running trusting that GOD will tell me when I should stop and where I should turn? Or how often is GOD walking calmly behind me, while I franticly run ahead, all the while he knows where we are going and I keep running while I'm waiting for his voice to direct me?

I wonder.

my struggles with blogging

blogging in it of itself is not a difficult task. it isn't a difficult thing for me to have thoughts swirling around my head that i wish to post. what's hard is that i get stuck. i've been studying the topic of GOD's covenant with Abram and i've been really intrigued by it. the more i study the more i want to post. but i don't want to post and incomplete thought. so i wait to post, but get distracted in the mean time.

i've come to a place where i'm alright with either posting incomplete thought or making posts far apart. i know you've all been waiting in eager expectation for me to continue posting, so maybe this will help ease your worried souls.

cheers.

curses curses curses

curse you computer with your random freezing and crashing. curse you.

i was a paragraph short of being done with "part 2" of "circumcision and the law," but then my computer crashed. i've noticed that this seems to happen often when i'm trying to import CDs into iTunes. curse you iTunes.

i'll try to post later tonight. i had hoped to have part 3 done tomorrow. things might get pushed back a day. sorry.

GOD's covenant and circumcision. (part 1)

circumcision.
here i go.


let's start in Genesis 12. GOD calls Abram to leave all he knows. the LORD said to Abram:
"I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you;
I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.
I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse,
and all the peoples on earth will be blessed through you."
so Abram goes.

Genesis 15. GOD reminds Abram that he is with him. Abram is confused because he doesn't have any kids, and he cant understand how he is going to be made "into a great nation." GOD tells Abram that he will provide a son for him, a son from his own body.

Genesis 17. GOD goes to Abram and says:
"I am GOD Almighty, walk before me and be blameless.
I will confirm my covenant between me
and you and will greatly increase your numbers."
Abram is 99 now. At this point GOD changes Abram's name to Abraham. (there are many cool things going on with GOD changing Abram's name, but now isn't the time to discuss them.) GOD then tells Abraham that he is going to confirm the covenant with circumcision. Circumcision become the sign of the covenant (but it is not the covenant). GOD tells Abraham that he must be circumcised and for the generations that follow every male must be circumcised whether they are born in his household or a foreigner.

I thought I would offer a definition of circumcision for the sake any confusion. This comes from dictionary.com.

cir‧cum‧cise  /ˈsɜrkəmˌsaɪz/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sur-kuhm-sahyz]
–verb (used with object), -cised, -cis‧ing.

1.	to remove the prepuce of (a male), esp. as a religious rite.

2.	to remove the clitoris, prepuce, or labia of (a female).

3.	to purify spiritually.

If you want some more info, check this page.

Now that that's out of the way we can get down to business.
However, I'm about to get kicked out of Kind Coffee.
So I guess you'll have to stay tuned.
Good night.

blast you, luther!

in the midst of formulating some thoughts about circumcision and the law i've come across this quote:

The glory of God, which is in itself more excellent than the salvation of men, ought to receive from us a higher degree of esteem and regard. Believers earnestly desirous that the glory of God should be promoted, forget men, and forget the world, and would rather choose that the whole world should perish, than that the smallest portion of the glory of God should be withdrawn.

-Martin Luther

how am i supposed to just let this thought pass by?

It's coming.

I've been working on a post that involves some thoughts on a "contemporary" application of the Law. Be patient, it's coming.

blessed on a fall eve.

how can you paint
with a brush so big,
on a canvas so vast
that i might see.
the colors appear
and colors fade,
from west to east
against the clouds
and darkening sky.

oh, who am i
to see,
to feel,
to capture the beauty
you display,
you showcase
for such a brief moment in time.
then gone.

.:thoughts and questions to come:.

for most of the day my mind has been racing. thoughts fly through my head faster than i'm able to capture them. yet in sharp contrast, there have been moments when my mind has seemingly stood still, unable to create even a simple thought. i came to the conclusion that if i make a few notes for myself i might be able to come back to a few bloggable thoughts.

• i still have thoughts and questions about the struggling with what the law represents to believers today. as i read through the new testament and find writers urging people to not be bound by the law, how do i translate that into my life today? i have never been bound by the law that was established for the Jewish nation. should this be a symbol for something in my life?

• i have been having a really rough day today. i couldn't put words to why it was that i was feeling the way i was. this was especially hard as my fiancé was trying to help but couldn't do anything for me because i didn't know what i needed. late in the morning i laid back down to attempt a nap, but was still very restless. as i laid there a thought came to mind that could give me reason for feeling the way i had been. GOD wasn't speaking to me. It made sense to me. i had awoke twice during the night, last night, and ask GOD what he wanted. this has become a common practice for me. if i wake up in the middle of the night i ask GOD why he's waking me up, and he brings to mind people to pray for or sins to confess. but last night was different. i was woken up twice and received no response from GOD. and to top it off, i spent yesterday starting preparation for the next 2 months of messages for Satellite, and as i look back on my day it seems as though GOD wasn't speaking to me then either. i still don't feel as if GOD has started speaking to me again. what am i suppose to do? do i continue to prepare for a message this week and the weeks to come without hearing GOD's voice?

• it's been increasingly hard to feel like the people closest to me in proximity are not those closest to me emotionally. maybe i can put this in a different way. i've been struggling with the position as a coordinator (or pastor or overseer or whatever) within regards to how close i let myself get to people. i want to be available for people to talk with and share my life with them, but is that appropriate? should i allow myself to open up to everyone in the Satellite community when so much of my life is wrapped up in "church stuff?" i feel like there are so many times when i want to expose the struggles i'm going through but i don't because i don't think it's necessary for people to know all of what's going on. this is one of my biggest frustrations as i'm learning what it means to be "on staff," in a pastoral role, for a church. there is community forming all around me, and i'm blessed to see it happen, but there is a longing within me to be apart of it. should i look for community outside of the church i work at as a way to balance all of this?

i'll leave this list at three things; though there are probably three more. i'd love some suggestions on which of this to try to tackle first. maybe this weekend i'll sit and write.

if you pray, please pray for me. these last two things weigh very heavy on my heart.

"keep me in your pocket if you have one,
keep me in your heart if you have no pocket."
-Thomas Merton

the law and me (part 1...probably)

i've given myself the goal of reading Paul's letter to the Galatian church each day this month. the goal was initiated because for the next 2 months at Satellite i'll be teaching through Galatians 5. i'm sure there will be more posts on this as i study and find questions, but for now my question comes from a broad reading of the whole letter.

is there anything comparable to "the law" in our day and age? i find it so difficult to read Paul talking about people "returning to the law" because i don't know the law. i guess i should say that i don't know what it's like to live under the law. i know about the law that is being discussed, but i don't think i've ever felt bondage to it. my quick answer is that "the law" isn't about a physical law that was established but rather a bondage to something that cannot empart salvation. although this is my quick answer it doesn't seemed to be one that will last for very long.

Paul was writing to the church in Galatia to those in the church knew "the law." they had grown up under it's teaching; it was their life. does "the law" transfer into our lives as the same "law" that Paul was writing, or is there somthing in our daily lives that was can call "the law?"

let me know what you think. i'd love some conversation.

one LOVE

question about conversation...

i was listening to a podcast yesterday (ekklesiaphx: An emerging converation on Christian spirituality) on a topic that i like to engage in: the emergent church. one of the uniqunesses within the emergent conversation is the ability to disagree with whom you are talking to and still be fully involved in the conversation. it's accepted and encouraged to have conversations with people who have different opinions. we as a Church, as a group of people seeking after Christ, need this. it's a fresh breath of air to the stale lungs of tradition for traditions sake.

as i was listening to this perticular podcast the host used himself as an authority for a definition for words or phrases. he would say things like, "this is my definition of..." i realize that this can be used as a method of restating the definition, but i guess i need some clarification. if, in conversation we continue to refer to ourselves as the authority or source, then what benifit is the conversation? if we just simply sat that we believe something and "that's that," then what's the point. how does that benifit the person we might be talking to? it seems that this question is asked and answered within the realm of sports, but it's unacceptable for theology. if sports were approached like postmodern theological conversation i think it might look like this:

bro: i'm a bears fan.
dude: good for you, i'm a broncos fan.
bro: wow, that's great. they are having a great year, aren't they?
dude: yep, they're the best.
bro: they're having a good year, but they aren't better then my bears.
dude: silly boy, of course they are. they're undefeated and on course to set 15 records.
bro: i think i've missed something, because i thought that they've lost a game or two.
dude: nope, perfect season.
bro: i think you might be mistaken.
dude: nope, they're the best team in the league, by my definition, of course.


anyone overhearing this conversation would think that gabe is loosing it because it's obvious that dude's broncos aren't doing as good as bro's bears. there is an element of personal opinion that comes into play, but by dude saying that the broncos have never lost is a fact that cannot be argued. if dude said that the broncos are his favorite team because he likes their colors, that would be different.

one of the hardest elements of the postmodern conversation for me to be apart of is pluralism. there must be something that is absolute, something foundational. somewhere in the mix something is going to contridict itself. what i struggle with is where the foundation starts. even saying that the foundation is the Word of GOD is difficult because the interpretation of scripture has been debated since scripture has been scripture. what do we do with this? the only thing i can think of is that our understand of something can be held as true until it contridicts something, then we must evaluate which of the two things is true. this approach, then would most likely lead us to continually reevaluate what our foundation for truth is, rather than throw truth out all together.

what do you think?

when it smells like home.

there's something about the sound of rain that brings peace to my soul. it might help that i spent some time sitting on the porch and reading my favorite T.S. Eliot and Elizabeth Barrett Browning poems. here's a few for you, too:

Mr. Eliot from choruses from 'The Rock'
What life have you if you have not life together?
There is no life that is not in community,
And no community not lifed in praise of GOD.
Even the anchorite who meditates alone,
For whom the days and nights repeat the praise of GOD,
Prays for the Church, the Body of Chirst incarnate.
And now you live dispersed on ribbon roads,
And no man knows or cares who is his neighbor
Unless hes neighbour makes too much disturbance,
But all dash to and fro in motor cars,
Familiar with the roads and settled nowhere.
Nor does the family even move about together,
But every son would have his motor cycle,
And daughters ride away on casual pillions.


Mrs. Barrett Browning from Sonnets Form the Portuguese:
A heavy heart, Beloved, have I borne
From year to year until I saw thy face,
and sorrow after sorrow took the place
Of all those natural joys as lightly worn
As the stringed pearls, each lifted in its turn
By a beating heart at dance-time. Hopes apace
Were changed to long despairs, till God's own grace
Could scarcely lift above the world forlorn
My heavy heart. Then thou didst bid me bring
And let it drop adown thy calmly great
Deep being! Fast it sinketh, as a thing
Which its own nature doth precipitate,
While thine doth close above it, mediating
Betwixt the stars and the unaccomplished fate.



maybe one of these days i'll post something original here. it might have to rain a bit more for that to happen, though.

i still suck at blogging.

i found this old blog i had a while ago.
i thought i'll try to resurrect it.
be patient.