Preaching Re-Imagined, pt 1.

Even before I opened the book, I knew that it was going to be different than most books I had read. I had read and loved another book by Doug, so I assumed that he would bring something fresh with this one too. And right off the bat, he does. The first "section" contains the usual introductions. The whats and whys and whos of the book. But the first thing that reminded me of the authorship of this book was that within the first section there is a "How to Read this Book" heading. Doug writes books differently. The first book I read of his was a book about his church, Solomon's Porch. The margins of the pages had journal entries from people within the church body. That was a weird, yet refreshing way to read a book about a church. This "How to..." section falls right in line. He explains that Section 2 has sentences and phrases which have numbers attached at the end. The numbers can take you to that particular chapter found within 4 different sections. He writes this to explain things:

For example, you might not be interested in the story of how I became a preacher but would prefer to go right to my suggestions of rethinking the role of the pastor. If so, you can skip point number five and go right to point 23.

I was really intrigued by this and found myself flipping through the book to figure out how this actually works. Doug explains that his reasons for this is because he wanted to write a book that felt more like a conversation rather that a "stagnate place of information" (my words). In this first section he shares a few phrases that seemingly elude to phrases that will become a foundation to the book: "progressional dialogue" (a phrase that he made up), and "speaching" (also made up, to refer to "the style of preaching that's hardly distinguishable from a one-way speech.")

I'm an underliner, a margin-writer, and a dog-earer, and Doug encourages this. He writes that the "book should not be left in its impersonal, published form. If it is, then it hasn't done its job of engaging you in the conversation." I like that. I can handle that.

Here's some things that I underlined and bracketed:

I find myself wanting to live life with the people of my community where I can preach-along with the other preachers of our community-but not allow that to become an act of speech making. Instead I want it to be a living interaction of the story of GOD and the story of our community being connected by our truth telling, our vulnerability, and our open minds, ears, and eyes-all brought together by the active work of the Spirit of GOD as we "Let the message of Christ dwell among (us) richly as (we) teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns and songs from the Spirit, singing to GOD with gratitude in (our) hearts." (Colossians 3:16)

These words remind me about the desire I have to be apart of a community that doesn't just rely on the history of faith to give us something to sing about, but creates expressions based out of our own personal history. I love the phrase "living interaction of the story of GOD and the story of our community... ." It reminds me that the purpose of the community is to find it's place within the redemptive story of GOD, and if the community isn't doing that, then it isn't doing what it is supposed to be doing. Here's one more quote:

The church is best understood not as the exclusive proprietor of all the things of GOD, but rather as the home base for those committed to living in rhythm with GOD. It is a means by which we extend GOD's hopes, dreams, and agenda in the world, not an end goal in itself. Nor is preaching an end in itself but one of the many ways we as Christians ought to seek to tend to the things of GOD.

These two paragraphs have given me much to think about within the past day and a half. Let me know your thought if you have any. I think I'm off to bed and on to Section 2.

book review.

Earlier this week I was waiting in anticipation of a little box from Amazon. I had ordered two books that had caught my attention. The first, The Forgotten Ways by Alan Hirsch, is a book that I am excited about reading. I haven't read any of Hirsch's books, but I continue to hear intriguing things about him and his vision of the church. The second book, Preaching Re-Imagined by Doug Pagitt, drew my attention because I've been thinking about the way that I preach/teach. I've read Pagitt before and love the way he talks about his church community.

I wanted to blog through one of these books. I don't have a format for it. I just want to put some thoughts down and try to generate some conversation with it. With in the last week I've seen three other people blogging about The Forgotten Ways, so that helped me decided to work through Pagitt's book first.



I'm looking forward to this. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

blog posts I'd like to read right now:

• someone in the process of getting married. I want to hear about someone going through the motions of planning a wedding. I want to read about another couple who is really frustrated with not living in the same place.
  
• someone within the emerging church who is writing about the struggles of making the ideology of the movement into a physical expression. I want to read about a pastor/leader/teacher/community member who is writing honest about what isn't working for them as they try to live life in an emerging community.
• a group of people writing in a collaborative effort to talk about the "church" life. I want to read different perspectives on the same events.
  
• someone who is writing about struggling with feeling "wrong" because he isn't deconstructing things in the same way his friends are.

I started writing this list while really desiring to read something different. I've found myself reading the same perspectives for a while now. This mostly applies to the authors who I don't know; the people who I do know, generally entertain. After typing this list out I realized that I could be an author of all of those blogs. And I didn't realize it at the time, but I want to read these types of posts because I want to feel like I'm not alone. I want some form of encouragement. I want to read something that will speak to me and the place in life that I'm in now.

I think that one of the reasons that I haven't been writing a lot lately is because I have been in a stagnate place with the things I've been reading. I suppose that it isn't all that strange that the things I read spur me on to write.

So, here's to reading and writing that challenges and provokes.
I'll raise my glass to that.

I told him...

I had a very tough conversation with my boss at church on Wednesday. I told him that I've felt alone and abandoned by the church. I told him that it hurt to have meetings canceled over and over, and not being told that they were being canceled hurt even more. I told him that I've felt like Satellite has been put on the back burner but I keep hearing that it's important. I told him that it's hard for me to believe someone from council when they tell me that they are going to call to see how I'm doing. I told him that only one person on staff has asked me how I'm doing with what's going on. I told him that I didn't honestly didn't expect any "resolutions for continued support" for the Satellite congregation any time soon. I told things felt unfortunately familiar to a different situation at the church two years ago. I told him that I felt like a lame-duck. I told him I struggled to offer hope to the congregation because I was struggling with hope.

This was a really hard conversation to have. I respect my boss very much. I trust his wisdom and discernment. I believe that this is a very difficult decision for him, too. It was incredibly hard to say all of these things to someone I look up to. I didn't want to have this discussion, but I new I needed to. I knew I needed to tell him.

Dead to Fear, Alive at the Cross.

I'm a morning person. Being awake at 1am isn't fun for me. But I'm awake for a reason, so I thought I'd share it. Fear has been something that has gripped me lately. It has held me in bondage. It has kept me in a dangerous comfort. It gives me an excuse to refuse the call on my life. But I'm tired of living in fear. Fear has a way of bring up the past to disqualify the future. Tonight I've been on my knees pleading for forgiveness, boldness, peace, and faith to go, do, and say what I have been created for.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians v,1

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to GOD in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal bodies so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of you body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to GOD, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.
Romans vi, 11-14


I wonder if I struggle with being freed from past sin is because I don't ask for it? Paul, in both passages, offers freedom as a choice. In the letter to the Galatians, he encourages them to "not [let yourselves] be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." It seems as if that gives them the option. They are burdened until they choose not to. And in his letter to the Romans he writes several "do not's" as if they have the choice to either do or do not do.

For in my inner being I delight in GOD's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to GOD-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to GOD's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Romans vii, 22-25

Paul continues with these powerful words: "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." Through Jesus, GOD offers freedom that cannot be experienced outside of the understanding of the cross. For at the cross GOD offers redemption. Apart from the cross there is condemnation.

I think that lately I've been forgetting the cross. GOD forgive me. I choose to fight against my sin nature on my own. And because of that I've been beaten, bruised, and broken. When all I need to do is seek for redemption at the foot of the cross. I understand that this isn't a "all my problems disappear" card, rather this is a way for me to give up/die to myself and ask that GOD guide me, forgive me, comfort me, and carry me. This is the freedom that GOD desires of me. In this freedom I'll find rest tonight.

Freedom?

It's 12:40 and I can't fall asleep.
I tried to sleep.
It didn't work.
Prayer has been on my mind a lot lately.
For some reason I don't pray in the power that I say it holds.
I'll pray with other people for healing, comfort, peace, joy, faith, money, relationship.
And I believe every word I say, yet when I pray for myself I doubt.
Why?

How long will the past hold me bound
to mistakes I cant forget?
How long will I be
bound?

If Christ has set me free, why don't I live like I'm free?
How do I separate myself from the sin that so easily entangles?
How so I find forgiveness in repentance?
Where is there grace in abounding sin?

GOD, open my ears so that I can hear your voice.
GOD, open my eyes so that I can see your face.
GOD, soften my heart so that I can receive your comfort.

Fear of Failing Faith.

One of the TV shows I regularly watched, while I was growing up, was Family Matters. It was set in Chicago, which won points with me right away. If you've never seen the show you should be ashamed of yourself. I was reminded of this show earlier this week when I had a self-discovery-type moment. In the fifth season of the show there was an episode entitled "That's What Friends are For." I didn't remember all the details of the episode, so I did some research. Eddie gets into college with a scholarship that he applied for. His good friend Waldo was the only person who wasn't excited for him because Waldo feared that this would be the end of their relationship. Meanwhile, Carl is going through some inner turmoil over taking his Lieutenant exam. Steve Urkel tries to comfort Carl, but he isn't quite sure what's wrong with him. After a moment of trying to figure out what's wrong, Steve blurts our, "I know what it is. you've got FOF!" Carl, not knowing what Steve is talking about, asks what FOF is. Steve starts to talk about Fear of Failure. He explains that Carl is stressing over his exam because he is scared that he is going to fail it. Steve starts reassuring Carl that he'll do fine, and because it's a sitcom everything works out in the end.

A little less than a month ago, I found out that the church I work for is going to stop funding to Satellite in March. (Satellite is a college/young adult ministry that I'm the 'coordinator' for) Right now we are waiting to hear what the church's next move is. In all honesty, I'm not really expecting an answer anytime soon. I know that GOD has called me into ministry, and the work I was doing with Satellite felt natural to me. I don't what to see that vaporise because we cant meet at the church. I believe GOD has been speaking to me about planting a church or a house church. I'm certain that it's GOD's voice. But I'm scared to death that it's GOD's voice. I'm going through a period of FOF right now. The idea of starting a church is exciting, but I can't move past the voices of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. When I'm thinking clearly I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. The problem is that it's easy for me to not think clearly. It's easy for me to think about the people who are apart of Satellite who might not even want to do this with me. It's easy to think about how extremely difficult it would be. It's easy to think that their could be years without "fruit" from the ministry.

Yesterday, Lauren was my Urkel. That's a scary thought. Let me explain before anyone has any ridiculous images in thier head. Lauren is an incredible encouragement to me. She reminds me about who I am and who I'm created to be. She tells me things that I don't want to believe are really true. She supports me and reminds me that the ring on her finger means a life time of support. Then she tripped over an extension chord, causing a lamp to crash to the ground. The light bulb burst and caught a blanket on fire. As she waived her hand to calm the flames she cried out, "Did I do that?" (Well, maybe not)

But I digress.
The idea of planting a church or hosting a home church is something that I've never done. It's difficult to even think about what it would be like. I'm afraid that my faith wont be strong enough to endure through the difficult times. Maybe I'm not going through Fear of Failure, but Fear of Failing Faith. I forget that the GOD who is calling me into this difficult situation is the same GOD who prepared the way for me to be in this situation. This is the same GOD who made the way possible for my move to Colorado two and a half years ago. This is the same GOD who has gently nudged and and times pushed me towards his will. I need to daily remind myself of GOD's faithfulness in my life. This is why the Jewish nation celebrates so many holidays. They are days to remember. I don't think that reminding me of GOD's faithfulness will automatically make things easier, but I believe it should help.

So my reminder for today: January 8th, 2006 we had a "Vision Planning Meeting." I remember sitting in Donnie's living room dreaming with a group of people that believed we were going to make a difference. We dreamed about serving the area around us through clothing drives, "sock offerings," VBS with an intercity church, working with Habitat 4 Humanity, and serving Hope House. These desires led us to doing most of these things. 7 months in a row we took food and clothes downtown to feed and cloth the homeless. A small group of people went to do work for Habitat. We helped restore a fence at Hope House. We sang Christmas Carols at Covenant Village. The desire to serve has stuck with us this past year. To GOD be the glory.

Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
If we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
If we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.

2 Timothy ii,11-13

These words bring strength to a failing faith.

Carpe Diem

I'll admit it. I set New Year's Resolutions. I'm OK with doing it. I try to set three or four each year, but this year I feel as though I've gone a bit overboard:

• Wake up at 6:30 at least four mornings a week.
• Work out at least twice a week (in various forms: gym, snowboarding, indoor soccer).
• Use liturgy as a method of prayer.
• Read through the Bible.
• Journal more (this may or may not include blogging).
• Start writing a book.

Many of these are tied closely together. If I wake up at a consistent time each day I will be more likely to work out. If I'm up earlier each day I will have more time to write. I think that as I read through the Bible I will desire to pray more. Or maybe it's the other way around. Starting to write a book is the one resolution that scares me. It scares me because I don't know how to write a book. It scares me because my grammar is sub par. But most of all, it scares me because I'm not really sure what I'm going to write about. I have an idea, though. I'd like to write about the Church, but I don't know what about. I think that it might be a type of autobiography. I believe that GOD has called me into ministry. I am certain of this. I believe, though, that the call on my life isn't to a particular age-group or demographic or country or religion, even, but to show a redemptive image of the Church to people who need redemption. This, I believe, is the call on my life. And this is what I think I might end up writing about.

Encourage me, if you will. I'll need it.

what do i have to show for it?

ahh, Guitar Hero. where anyone can "rock the casbah." or is it lick the cat box? i'm not quite sure. for Christmas Lauren's brother, Stephen, received Guitar Hero II. when the gift giving was finished Guitar Hero was broken out of it's box and plugged in. there were a few of us there who had played a few times, but most hadn't. it was fun to watch people grab the guitar and rock out. one of my favorite moments was watching Lauren's dad, Terry, play an Anthrax song. if you knew Lauren's dad, this would make you giggle a little, too.

as we were playing, i was reminded of something i had read a month ago. i don't remember the exact quote, but it was something along the lines of "[my] generation being an experiential generation." the author gave some reasons for their statement, most having to do with technology. for example, we now have the ability to travel to the top of Everest via an IMAX theater. while the majority of the population couldn't make the trek, we have the desire to see what it is like. so, we have sent camera crews up the summit to document everything. HD T.V.'s (is that really how you write that?) are designed and marketed to give us a "life-like" viewing experience. have you seen the commercial that shows a family sitting in their living room watching a golf match on their TV? the golfer hits a ball into the deep rough and then starts to look for it. the golfer and the caddy can't find the ball, but the people in the living room can and they are yelling and pointing to the ball, that they can see because their TV is so life like-perhaps, better than life.

video games are becoming more and more life-like. the graphics are getting better and better. game play is becoming more and more realistic. Tony Hawk's Project 8 just came out. I played the demo at Best Buy last week. it was really sweet. the movement of the characters is incredible. i noticed the placement of the feet on the board was different for different skaters. no longer is there one skater with different skins to make the different skaters. the skaters carry their own personalities. i'm sure this is true with many of the games coming out now, but i noticed this in this game because i skate. during the bails, in particular, i can relate to the feeling of falling as they do in the game. the bails are getting more realistic- some of the ways that the characters bail are ways that i have bailed myself. last week i played the Nintendo Wii for the first time. if you haven't played it yet, you should. they put a gyro in the remote and a sensor bar that works with the remote via Bluetooth (i think). the gyro makes the remote motion sensitive, so if you move right the character will respond in a similar way.

here's the rub:
when i play Tony Hawk games it make me want to go out and skate. but when i do, i suck. the tricks that i can do in real life are utterly boring compared to what i can do in the game. when i played the bowling game for the Wii, i bowled a strike my first time playing the game. i bowled better, in the three frames i played, than i usually do in a whole game. i could probably bowl a 300 game on the Wii, but go to a bowling alley and bowl a 40. i can rock out on Guitar Hero and play Free Bird, but when it comes to actually playing that song i'm awful.

going back to the quote i mentioned earlier: [my] generation being an experiential generation. as i've thought about this quote i think i might disagree, to a point. dictionary.com defines 'experiential' as "pertaining to or derived from experience." and it defines 'experience' as a "particular instance of personally encountering or undergoing something." with the direction technology has been taking things i think we are not becoming a "experiential generation," but rather some sort of "pseudo-experiential generation." our pseudo-experiences are only as good as long as the power button is on. when the power goes off i have nothing to show for my experiences-except maybe a few calloused thumbs.

i wonder if this is cultivating a shallow generation? if my experiences are limited to video games and movies are they really my experiences? what do you think?

new thoughts. it's about time.

i've had a number of thoughts swelling in my mind lately. here's a few. i'll probably make these into a few posts.
last week there was a lot of snow out here. i spent 3 days, gladly stuck at Lauren's house with her and her family. we were stuck under 34 inches of beautiful snow. we watched a few movies. ate some food. general frivolity.


here's a thought on love.

i think, as i find myself in love with Lauren, my view of life is altered. love has done this for me. i see things and translate things different because of love.
here's the example i've noticed:
Lauren and i enjoy watching movies together. there have been many times, as we watch together, that we squeeze each others hands or turning to each other because we are watching something that seems to be a part of who we are. people acting with characteristics that seem to mirror characteristics of our life and love. it seems as if we become more aware of what we are watching, more familiar with what is around us.
i don't know that i am explaining this well. am i? let me try this. Todd gave us a beautiful statue of two greek gods (i'm sorry if i'm not getting this right, Todd). that statue is of a man sitting on rock with his love leaning against his body. the woman has her head tilted back and the man is leading his head forward to kiss the womans forehead. when Lauren and i saw this we both noticed the placement of the kiss. we both love the statue, but it seemed to have special meaning because the statue is centered around a kiss to a forehead. when i look at the statue i am reminded of my love for Lauren.
am i crazy or does anyone else know what i'm talking about?

i have been busy.

i haven't been blogging as often as i would like to.

i have been consumed with the realization that i'm loosing my job and getting married in the same month.

i have been struggling with a passion to be involve in ministry as a career, but knowing that as things stand right now that passion comes in conflict with the people whom i care about. is there a way to do both?

i have been realizing how little i actually pray. i pray quite a bit, but most of the prayers are about me and the specific situation i'm currently in. i want to devote more time to praying for other people. i want to devote more time to petitioning for other people.


i have been learning how to love Lauren better. i've been learning, unfortunately i haven't always been doing it.

i have been missing people from my past. Kris, Matt, Donnie. i miss having you around to talk with. i miss sharing life face to face.

i have been waiting in anticipation for GOD's salvation. Lord let your glory fall.

i have become more excited to see what GOD is doing with Satellite.

i have grown more and more in love with Lauren. i feel increasingly blessed for her comfort. i love the questions she asks and the answers she has. i love to watch her care for people.

quick update:

i brought Chipotle to the meeting.
it was good, but i guess i didn't need it.

no one asked if i was doing ok.

it's pouring now.

you're all familiar with the phrase, "when it rains, it pours" right? well, it's officially pouring. here's a quick rundown of the last 6 days.

Thursday:
i met with my boss at church to find out that because of the current financial situation , the church council decided that it was going to cut financial support to Satellite. yes, this includes my job. yes, this is the second time in two years that the church has cut the ministries that are geared toward college students/young adults. after finding this out i headed out to my car to drive off to another meeting. i got in my car, turned the key and nothing happened. during the two weeks leading up to last thursday i had a new radiator and water pump installed in my car. because of all the work being done i have been with out a car for most of the two weeks. at this point i've become used to walking, so i left my car and walked a few blocks to the place that i had my next meeting. i decided to leave my car where it stalled and come back for it some other time.
Friday:
friday wasn't a very good day. i was still reeling from knowing what was going on with my job and the people who are involved in Satellite. i still felt like i had been kicked in the gut. i wanted to tell everyone the news at the same time. so later in the evening i made phone calls to people to invite them over to my house to tell them the news before they heard about it in Sunday. these were some of the hardest phone calls i've had to make. i needed to be vague. i hoped that the calls would go to voice mail. it was so hard talking to people and not being able to tell them what was going on. i was able to talk to Lauren about it. that was a huge help, but even when i wanted to form words and put sentences together silence was all i had. her greatest comfort to me was her presence. i still had no answers to what was going on. i was still angry at the council's decision.
Saturday:
i called a mechanic about my car. they weren't open on the weekend, so i had to wait until Monday to talk to them. Saturday night people came over to talk. as people came in the house i could see the concern on their faces. it was so hard. my senior pastor was there to explain things. this was a big help. he needed to tell them. he shared what was going on and fielded some question for a few hours, and then left us to talk alone. there were a few obvious feelings from people: frustration, hurt, hope. the first two i expected. the third i didn't expect to hit for a few days. people were at my house for over 4 hours.
Sunday:
it was so hard to go to church. i felt betrayed. not only was there the regular church service, but we had an annual business meeting after the service. it was at this meeting that the council was going to tell the congregation about it's decision to cut funding to Satellite and the other things that needed to be cut. i knew i needed to be there. it was helpful to have Lauren, Krista, and Whitney there too. i was surprised at the vocal support that Satellite received from the congregation. but in the end the vote to accept the budget passed, deciding that Satellite would loose funding in March. it was frustrating to hear someone talk about my generation as "the generation that's leaving the church the quickest." (my comment wanted to be about how my generation isn't leaving the church, we're going to find the church) The comment makes sense because churches are choosing to cut funding to ministries geared toward the "kids" who are "leaving the church the quickest." it seems obvious to me, i must be missing something. there was a lady who made a comment about how the church isn't kicking Satellite out they just don't have a budget anymore. Satellite can still use the building and resources and stuff. bull shit.
Monday:
i dropped my car off at the mechanic. he said he would look at it and give me a call tomorrow. i spent a good portion of the day wavering back and forth on whether Satellite should stay with the church or try and be "church" on our own.
Today:
i found out my car is going to cost $1175 to fix the blown head gaskets. and i've got to go sit in a staff meeting today. i think i'm going to eat during the staff meeting. i'll just take a big bite of food when i think someone is going to ask me a question like, "how are you doing with all of this."

you give and take away
you give and take away
my heart will choose to say
LORD blessed be your name.

the deafening sound of silence...

for those of you who have seen The Fountain you might have a visual of the situation.

do you remember the scene when Hugh's character was walking down the street? the only sound was the sound of his footsteps crunching snow on the sidewalk. he was deaf to the rest of the world. finally, he was shocked back to reality as a car horn honked as it nearly ran him over. when i saw that scene i really liked it. i really enjoyed the visual and audible effect. i had a moment like that today.

i had just finished a very serious meeting. i walked out to my car to head to another meeting. as i turned the key to my car nothing happened. my car wouldn't start. my next meeting was 4 blocks away, so i started to walk. as i walked down the sidewalk of a very busy street i heard nothing but my footsteps. my mind was blank--numb. the world around me seemed to disappear.

the silence
i experienced
during that
walk was painful.

there wasn't a point when i was shaken back to reality for me.
it was more of a gradual thing.

but that
time of silence
was deafening.

World AIDS Day

[info from worldaidsday.com]
1981 had the first documented case of AIDS (then referred to as GRID). "Around forty million people are living with HIV throughout the world - and that number increases in every region every day. In the UK alone, more than 60,000 people are living with HIV and more than 7,000 more are diagnosed every year. Ignorance and prejudice are fueling the spread of a preventable disease."

if you've spent much time online today i imagine that you've seen something or another about (red). it's something Bono helped get started. you buy things from companies who are (red) companies and part of the money they make from your purchase goes to buying medicine that can help people with AIDS. i think this is a great idea. i like this idea because it plays on the consumerist nature of our culture. it's like saying, "all you have to do is keep spending money and you can help people." this is the type of cause that the US can get behind. it takes no commitment, other than having a red phone or t-shirt, and it's a really easy way to feel good about helping other people. "i really want to help people, so i bought a t-shirt. now whenever i wear it i'll remind myself how i helped someone else. i'm such a good person."

i realize that i might come across as annoyed, but that's cause i am. why is it that we need to receive something in return to help someone else. i often find myself saying that it's not about what i'm getting in return, it's about helping a particular person or cause. but when i get stopped by the waist-high cub scout, standing in front of King Soopers nervously asking people to buy popcorn for $15 a box instead of buying the same amount of popcorn for a fifth of the price inside, why don't i just hand him the money and tell him to keep the popcorn? instead i take my box of popcorn home with me and complain about how the popcorn wasn't even worth $15.
i get the feeling that (red) is playing off this psychology. for some reason, people wont give money to people in need unless they get something in return. shame on me. me, who believes that all i have is a gift from GOD. me, who says he trusts that GOD will provide all i need. how did i get here?

for the whole of my life AIDS has been a part of the world. i want to be a part of helping AIDS loose the devastating power it has had over the world for the last 25 years. i want to do something. but i want to do more than buy a GAP t-shirt. i want to be with people. i want my life to touch theirs. how do i do this with where i'm at in life right now. is there anything i can do beyond buying stuff? what do you think?

:on winter:

the crunch of snow packing underfoot...
the sparkle of the sun reflecting off the snow...
the gasp of cold air refreshing warm lungs...
the sway of pine boughs holding the weight of snow...
the path of wandering footprints...

...is a reminder that winter has arrived.

thoughts about the two videos....

i've been sitting on this video for a while. i couldn't quite figure out how to put both videos in one post. if you know how to do this, let me know.


a few thoughts from the video:
1. i forget that Billy Graham was young once. the majority of videos and images of him show him as a frail old man. he was once young and vibrant. it's true
2. i think Billy was acting as Jesus would with this interview. Jesus was often found hanging out with the "people," you know those "bad" people. Billy was quick witted, honest, and bold with his words. he didn't shy back or avoid anything Woody was asking.
3. a long time ago i read "Just As I Am" the autobiography of Billy Graham. watching this video reminded me of some of the early chapters of his life.
4. when i am in my 80's and look back on my life, and if i see that GOD has used me in 1/10000 of the ways that GOD used Billy, i will feel greatly blessed.

::enjoy::

Woody Allen Interviews Billy Graham??!!!

Woody Allen Interviews Billy Graham, Continued

whoa.

i've had a few post waiting in the draft column, but i've decided to scrap them.
i can believe how quickly this year is coming to an end.
the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas always passes by too quickly.
the realization of getting married continues to bring a smile to my face.
i feel bad about talking so long about seemingly so little last night.
i wish there was snow on the ground.
i need to get my car fixed.
i'm excited about going to the Nutcracker this weekend.
snowboarding wont come soon enough.
it's date night day.
i spend too much time on stuff and not enough time with people.
i've been missing people a few certain people lately.
the distance of a few miles is a poor excuse not to spend time with someone.
i wonder where i'll be a year from now.
i am still learning.