Thursday:
i met with my boss at church to find out that because of the current financial situation , the church council decided that it was going to cut financial support to Satellite. yes, this includes my job. yes, this is the second time in two years that the church has cut the ministries that are geared toward college students/young adults. after finding this out i headed out to my car to drive off to another meeting. i got in my car, turned the key and nothing happened. during the two weeks leading up to last thursday i had a new radiator and water pump installed in my car. because of all the work being done i have been with out a car for most of the two weeks. at this point i've become used to walking, so i left my car and walked a few blocks to the place that i had my next meeting. i decided to leave my car where it stalled and come back for it some other time.
Friday:
friday wasn't a very good day. i was still reeling from knowing what was going on with my job and the people who are involved in Satellite. i still felt like i had been kicked in the gut. i wanted to tell everyone the news at the same time. so later in the evening i made phone calls to people to invite them over to my house to tell them the news before they heard about it in Sunday. these were some of the hardest phone calls i've had to make. i needed to be vague. i hoped that the calls would go to voice mail. it was so hard talking to people and not being able to tell them what was going on. i was able to talk to Lauren about it. that was a huge help, but even when i wanted to form words and put sentences together silence was all i had. her greatest comfort to me was her presence. i still had no answers to what was going on. i was still angry at the council's decision.
Saturday:
i called a mechanic about my car. they weren't open on the weekend, so i had to wait until Monday to talk to them. Saturday night people came over to talk. as people came in the house i could see the concern on their faces. it was so hard. my senior pastor was there to explain things. this was a big help. he needed to tell them. he shared what was going on and fielded some question for a few hours, and then left us to talk alone. there were a few obvious feelings from people: frustration, hurt, hope. the first two i expected. the third i didn't expect to hit for a few days. people were at my house for over 4 hours.
Sunday:
it was so hard to go to church. i felt betrayed. not only was there the regular church service, but we had an annual business meeting after the service. it was at this meeting that the council was going to tell the congregation about it's decision to cut funding to Satellite and the other things that needed to be cut. i knew i needed to be there. it was helpful to have Lauren, Krista, and Whitney there too. i was surprised at the vocal support that Satellite received from the congregation. but in the end the vote to accept the budget passed, deciding that Satellite would loose funding in March. it was frustrating to hear someone talk about my generation as "the generation that's leaving the church the quickest." (my comment wanted to be about how my generation isn't leaving the church, we're going to find the church) The comment makes sense because churches are choosing to cut funding to ministries geared toward the "kids" who are "leaving the church the quickest." it seems obvious to me, i must be missing something. there was a lady who made a comment about how the church isn't kicking Satellite out they just don't have a budget anymore. Satellite can still use the building and resources and stuff. bull shit.
Monday:
i dropped my car off at the mechanic. he said he would look at it and give me a call tomorrow. i spent a good portion of the day wavering back and forth on whether Satellite should stay with the church or try and be "church" on our own.
Today:
i found out my car is going to cost $1175 to fix the blown head gaskets. and i've got to go sit in a staff meeting today. i think i'm going to eat during the staff meeting. i'll just take a big bite of food when i think someone is going to ask me a question like, "how are you doing with all of this."
you give and take away
you give and take away
my heart will choose to say
LORD blessed be your name.
you give and take away
my heart will choose to say
LORD blessed be your name.
3 comments:
Do they think it is coincidental that we are "leaving the quickest" when they treat us like this? And that's their best suggestion, for you to just keep doing the same thing but for free? There's really no end to what a congregation expects, I suppose.
I'm sorry that I left early (and dragged Gabe with me). We had continued conversation in the car and it was really obvious that we were both very frustrated, but both optimistic about the condition of everyone but you.
The most ridiculous thing is that they think they're just dissolving a budget for a bunch of people to gather. We don't need a building, or access to a building, or their "resources" to meet and worship God. They're focusing on what's easy to focus on because if they were really honest with themselves they would admit that they were firing a guy who has a genuine heart for this work.
The whole situation is messy but at least you've been able to exhibit some semblance of self control. It'd be nice to make it clear to the church that "WE" don't need a budget.
If you're not busy tonight, we should go get some wings.
i'm not sure what to say. first, i think maybe i need to apologize for my lack of reaction on sunday. sunday, i was kind of like, "oh, that's nice. what's for breakfast, coincidentally?" real non sequitur nonsense there. i mean, i'm sorry for your job. that sucks. it's a bummer losing your job, especially if it's one you liked.
i mean, there are questions in my mind about what's happened and what might happen, and i can see, now (don't know why i couldn't earlier), about how this feels like the church rejecting you.
i suppose the most important thing is to steel our resolve and not let this steal our resolve. i don't know. this is sort of it. i could emote about how "every group i've been in has been rejected, blah blah blah," but this isn't that. this is actually sort of exciting. we're gonna be flying by the seat of our pants in a first century church fashion. we'll have to see where we go from here, right?
please know that we support you and we're proud of you tenacity. i, for one, appreciate that fight that you put up (and continue to put up) for "the generation leaving the church the quickest"...i don't know what else to say. nothing will make you feel better. i just want you to know that you are important to all of us and to this ministry. and we'll be here to pick up the fight when you get too tired.
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