a day of reflection

Yesterday was my last day at 4Cs. I spent the morning cleaning out my office. It wasn’t very difficult-there wasn’t much there. It did take me a few hours because I found that I kept stopping to reflect on things that I found. Here’s some things I remember about Satellite; more specifically, things I’m proud of. I’ll try to remember them in chronological order. If I’m leaving anything out, or if you have a different perspective on things please let me know.

I remember two summers ago when Donnie and I started to gather a “core team” of people who desired to see a ministry for college/young adults/young families start in Arvada. I remember those meetings we had at the Hinshaw’s house. We shared food, had incredible moments of worship, read Scripture together in a way that made it come alive, and shared openly about our frustrations and desires for what could be. I remember moments together when we would sit in silence and allow GOD to send the Spirit to speak to us. I remember tears. Even as I’m reminiscing, tears are forming in my eyes. Those meetings were beautiful.

I remember the “HomeTeam Kick Off.” I remember the group of 50 people that met at the Depot at Five Parks. I remember meeting people there who have now become great friends. We had people who wanted to be apart of a HomeTeam in Thornton, at CSU, at Western, commuting college students in Arvada, young adults, young married couples with kids. I remember sitting in a big circle and looking around and trusting that GOD had big plans for us. I also remember the chili. Roger made some dang good chili.

I remember the two preview services that we had that fall. I was so anxious about those. We had people coming early to volunteer for all kinds of things. Set up/tear down teams, a team to make things look nice, worship team, greeting/ushering teams, prayer teams, and I sure we had a few more. I remember the energy that was palpable for those services. I remember starting every service by standing in a circle, hearing scripture read aloud, and praying together. I remember serving hotdogs downtown after both preview services.

I remember hearing stories from the group that went to Habitat for Humanity. There’s a story about painting a forklift. I heard that that opportunity to serve brought that group of seemingly random people together.

I remember the strong desire to just start meeting weekly, and not wait till the New Year. But we waited. I remember when we started to meet weekly. I remember how that we really helpful to forming a larger community.

I remember how we created one:twentyseven and committed to serve others in some capacity every month. I remember taking chili downtown; I think we served 150 cups. I remember bringing socks and blankets and jackets and gloves to people who needed them. But what I remember most is talking with people down there. I remember seeing Satellite people engaged in authentic conversation with people. I remember having a smile on my face as I saw Satellite people scattered all around those two blocks sitting in the dirt to talk with people. I remember when we were able to remember names and faces of those living on the street.

I remember hearing about the joys and struggles of being a HomeTeam. I remember the perseverance of some to keep a struggling group together. I remember hearing who some found life through their group. I remember hearing about the prayer that became the life source of the group. I remember hearing about kids waiting for a certain person to be done so they could play beauty shop. I remember the need to start another group because one had become too big. I remember that those groups were not just a Bible study. Those groups were places for laughter, tears, confession, confrontation, and growth. I remember that life was found in those groups.

I remember going through the tough decision to start meeting on Sunday nights. I remember being concerned for those who couldn’t be with us on Sunday. I remember moving into the sanctu-nasium. It was great to have all that space to spread out during the time of worship.

I remember ultimate-Frisbee.

I remember the summer when every week was a different group of people, yet despite all the changes those nights were great. I remember going from 35 people one week to 8 people the next, and being certain that GOD was moving regardless of who was there. I remember the move to tables and chairs. We started experimenting with what Satellite really was. We had nights when we didn’t do any music for worship. I remember nights of corporate silence. I remember writing together. I remember singing together.

I remember when we felt comfortable as a group of 20.

I remember moving into the Fellowship Center.

I remember the Thanksgiving we shared together. That was some good food. Mmm, sweet-potato casserole. I remember meeting for “core” meetings to talk about Spiritual Gifts, how we can serve better, and what dreams/visions we had for what Satellite could be. I remember Christmas Caroling. And the Christmas Party.

I remember trying to figure out what we were going to do after each Satellite. Old Chicago, Chili’s, Spudnutz, Chipotle.

I remember being uncertain of what the future held, but being certain that we were heading in the right direction. I think it was those last two months when we felt most comfortable with who we were as a group.


Certainly, there were times of frustration, confusion, regret, disappointment, and fear. We said good-bye to people leaving our HomeTeams. We said good-bye to HomeTeams. We said good-bye to Donnie and his family. We never knew who would show up each week. We lost focus, a lot. We didn’t care enough for people inside or outside of Satellite. There were moments of alienation for some people.

I am certain that everything that happened with Satellite was not beyond GOD’s reach. I am convinced that GOD was pleased with what has happened over the last year and a half. I believe that Satellite has not been a failure.

If you have any other memories to remind me of, please let me know, I would love to hear them.

it's pouring now.

you're all familiar with the phrase, "when it rains, it pours" right? well, it's officially pouring. here's a quick rundown of the last 6 days.

Thursday:
i met with my boss at church to find out that because of the current financial situation , the church council decided that it was going to cut financial support to Satellite. yes, this includes my job. yes, this is the second time in two years that the church has cut the ministries that are geared toward college students/young adults. after finding this out i headed out to my car to drive off to another meeting. i got in my car, turned the key and nothing happened. during the two weeks leading up to last thursday i had a new radiator and water pump installed in my car. because of all the work being done i have been with out a car for most of the two weeks. at this point i've become used to walking, so i left my car and walked a few blocks to the place that i had my next meeting. i decided to leave my car where it stalled and come back for it some other time.
Friday:
friday wasn't a very good day. i was still reeling from knowing what was going on with my job and the people who are involved in Satellite. i still felt like i had been kicked in the gut. i wanted to tell everyone the news at the same time. so later in the evening i made phone calls to people to invite them over to my house to tell them the news before they heard about it in Sunday. these were some of the hardest phone calls i've had to make. i needed to be vague. i hoped that the calls would go to voice mail. it was so hard talking to people and not being able to tell them what was going on. i was able to talk to Lauren about it. that was a huge help, but even when i wanted to form words and put sentences together silence was all i had. her greatest comfort to me was her presence. i still had no answers to what was going on. i was still angry at the council's decision.
Saturday:
i called a mechanic about my car. they weren't open on the weekend, so i had to wait until Monday to talk to them. Saturday night people came over to talk. as people came in the house i could see the concern on their faces. it was so hard. my senior pastor was there to explain things. this was a big help. he needed to tell them. he shared what was going on and fielded some question for a few hours, and then left us to talk alone. there were a few obvious feelings from people: frustration, hurt, hope. the first two i expected. the third i didn't expect to hit for a few days. people were at my house for over 4 hours.
Sunday:
it was so hard to go to church. i felt betrayed. not only was there the regular church service, but we had an annual business meeting after the service. it was at this meeting that the council was going to tell the congregation about it's decision to cut funding to Satellite and the other things that needed to be cut. i knew i needed to be there. it was helpful to have Lauren, Krista, and Whitney there too. i was surprised at the vocal support that Satellite received from the congregation. but in the end the vote to accept the budget passed, deciding that Satellite would loose funding in March. it was frustrating to hear someone talk about my generation as "the generation that's leaving the church the quickest." (my comment wanted to be about how my generation isn't leaving the church, we're going to find the church) The comment makes sense because churches are choosing to cut funding to ministries geared toward the "kids" who are "leaving the church the quickest." it seems obvious to me, i must be missing something. there was a lady who made a comment about how the church isn't kicking Satellite out they just don't have a budget anymore. Satellite can still use the building and resources and stuff. bull shit.
Monday:
i dropped my car off at the mechanic. he said he would look at it and give me a call tomorrow. i spent a good portion of the day wavering back and forth on whether Satellite should stay with the church or try and be "church" on our own.
Today:
i found out my car is going to cost $1175 to fix the blown head gaskets. and i've got to go sit in a staff meeting today. i think i'm going to eat during the staff meeting. i'll just take a big bite of food when i think someone is going to ask me a question like, "how are you doing with all of this."

you give and take away
you give and take away
my heart will choose to say
LORD blessed be your name.