a day of reflection

Yesterday was my last day at 4Cs. I spent the morning cleaning out my office. It wasn’t very difficult-there wasn’t much there. It did take me a few hours because I found that I kept stopping to reflect on things that I found. Here’s some things I remember about Satellite; more specifically, things I’m proud of. I’ll try to remember them in chronological order. If I’m leaving anything out, or if you have a different perspective on things please let me know.

I remember two summers ago when Donnie and I started to gather a “core team” of people who desired to see a ministry for college/young adults/young families start in Arvada. I remember those meetings we had at the Hinshaw’s house. We shared food, had incredible moments of worship, read Scripture together in a way that made it come alive, and shared openly about our frustrations and desires for what could be. I remember moments together when we would sit in silence and allow GOD to send the Spirit to speak to us. I remember tears. Even as I’m reminiscing, tears are forming in my eyes. Those meetings were beautiful.

I remember the “HomeTeam Kick Off.” I remember the group of 50 people that met at the Depot at Five Parks. I remember meeting people there who have now become great friends. We had people who wanted to be apart of a HomeTeam in Thornton, at CSU, at Western, commuting college students in Arvada, young adults, young married couples with kids. I remember sitting in a big circle and looking around and trusting that GOD had big plans for us. I also remember the chili. Roger made some dang good chili.

I remember the two preview services that we had that fall. I was so anxious about those. We had people coming early to volunteer for all kinds of things. Set up/tear down teams, a team to make things look nice, worship team, greeting/ushering teams, prayer teams, and I sure we had a few more. I remember the energy that was palpable for those services. I remember starting every service by standing in a circle, hearing scripture read aloud, and praying together. I remember serving hotdogs downtown after both preview services.

I remember hearing stories from the group that went to Habitat for Humanity. There’s a story about painting a forklift. I heard that that opportunity to serve brought that group of seemingly random people together.

I remember the strong desire to just start meeting weekly, and not wait till the New Year. But we waited. I remember when we started to meet weekly. I remember how that we really helpful to forming a larger community.

I remember how we created one:twentyseven and committed to serve others in some capacity every month. I remember taking chili downtown; I think we served 150 cups. I remember bringing socks and blankets and jackets and gloves to people who needed them. But what I remember most is talking with people down there. I remember seeing Satellite people engaged in authentic conversation with people. I remember having a smile on my face as I saw Satellite people scattered all around those two blocks sitting in the dirt to talk with people. I remember when we were able to remember names and faces of those living on the street.

I remember hearing about the joys and struggles of being a HomeTeam. I remember the perseverance of some to keep a struggling group together. I remember hearing who some found life through their group. I remember hearing about the prayer that became the life source of the group. I remember hearing about kids waiting for a certain person to be done so they could play beauty shop. I remember the need to start another group because one had become too big. I remember that those groups were not just a Bible study. Those groups were places for laughter, tears, confession, confrontation, and growth. I remember that life was found in those groups.

I remember going through the tough decision to start meeting on Sunday nights. I remember being concerned for those who couldn’t be with us on Sunday. I remember moving into the sanctu-nasium. It was great to have all that space to spread out during the time of worship.

I remember ultimate-Frisbee.

I remember the summer when every week was a different group of people, yet despite all the changes those nights were great. I remember going from 35 people one week to 8 people the next, and being certain that GOD was moving regardless of who was there. I remember the move to tables and chairs. We started experimenting with what Satellite really was. We had nights when we didn’t do any music for worship. I remember nights of corporate silence. I remember writing together. I remember singing together.

I remember when we felt comfortable as a group of 20.

I remember moving into the Fellowship Center.

I remember the Thanksgiving we shared together. That was some good food. Mmm, sweet-potato casserole. I remember meeting for “core” meetings to talk about Spiritual Gifts, how we can serve better, and what dreams/visions we had for what Satellite could be. I remember Christmas Caroling. And the Christmas Party.

I remember trying to figure out what we were going to do after each Satellite. Old Chicago, Chili’s, Spudnutz, Chipotle.

I remember being uncertain of what the future held, but being certain that we were heading in the right direction. I think it was those last two months when we felt most comfortable with who we were as a group.


Certainly, there were times of frustration, confusion, regret, disappointment, and fear. We said good-bye to people leaving our HomeTeams. We said good-bye to HomeTeams. We said good-bye to Donnie and his family. We never knew who would show up each week. We lost focus, a lot. We didn’t care enough for people inside or outside of Satellite. There were moments of alienation for some people.

I am certain that everything that happened with Satellite was not beyond GOD’s reach. I am convinced that GOD was pleased with what has happened over the last year and a half. I believe that Satellite has not been a failure.

If you have any other memories to remind me of, please let me know, I would love to hear them.

an experimentation in ecclesia

Last night was the last "official" Satellite gathering. It felt something like a two sided coin. On one side, the end of Satellite has been vague and frustrating. On the other, the end is taking us to a place of excitement and adventure. The end of Satellite has been vague because there has been little communication between the leadership of the church and myself. I received a letter yesterday that was supposed to be sent to me two months ago that had the details of the end of my position. Two months of not knowing when my last day was, and when I asked the response was that it would be March 4, but the letter says February 28. I haven't been pushing for the continuation of Satellite because I desperately want the church to have a passion for the generation that doesn't feel welcome in any church. This church has been my home church since I moved out to Colorado; it was the reason I moved 2000 miles across the country. My heart is burdened for this church, yet at the same time my heart is excited for the community of Satellite.

The future of the Satellite community is exciting to me. I feel as though we are moving into an experimentation of what we think church is supposed to be. An experiment of ecclesia, if you will. I don’t know if everyone who is currently apart of Satellite will continue with us. That is an aspect of the current expression of Satellite that I wish would not we would not have to deal with, but I realize that it is a reality of change. In the same way, change will draw people to us. Within Satellite’s history there have been moments of change that show this reality. We originally met on Saturday nights, and when we switched to Sunday nights we experienced the shift in people. The same thing happened when Donnie left; people who were drawn to Donnie left and there were some who were drawn to me that started to come. I’m certain that there will be some of the people who we care very much for that will choose to be a part of a different community. I’m at peace with that.

There was a small group of people that met last Tuesday to talk about what we desired to see happen with our community. We didn’t have any great revelation of where we were going, but something very significant happened. At the beginning of our time together we spent time in prayer, and several people prayed that GOD would give us unity of thought as we moved forward. I believed that GOD answered this prayer. As we all shared our thoughts and hope we all seemed to be on the same page. This, I believe, is a huge blessing to the start of something that we are able to see yet. As we continue to meet and dream and plan, I’m going to ask that those who want to be involved with this experiment will continue to pray that. I’m convinced that the only way for us to move forward with any form of “church,” is to be united in our thoughts. I know that there will be times that we will disagree on things. But I’ve been praying that GOD will bring people around us that have a heart for what is going on and who want to be fully involved. I’ve also been praying that GOD will protect us from people who don’t share the vision. I think that if there will be one thing that will harm us as a community is people who are apathetic about what we are doing. Apathetic people can be a distraction from the purpose of the group. Also, apathetic people can offer subtle comments that cause dissention with the community. I don’t think it’s too bold to ask that GOD protect us from that.

I’ll end with a quote from a book I’m reading. The book is called Houses that Change the World and is written by Wolfgang Simson. I found a draft copy of the book in a PDF format. I printed it off and I’d like to pass it around to people a section at a time. I think it would be cool for everyone to read it, make notes on it, and then pass it on to someone else. Cuyler, you’re up first. No pressure. Here’s a paragraph that Simson starts the book of with under the heading “Too good to be true?”

Being brought up in ”Christian” Germany with churches everywhere, I have always felt that there must be something exciting about the Church which Jesus started and about which I read in the New Testament - but somehow I have yet to discover what it is. I dreamed - together with many friends and colleagues, of a church, that is as simple as One-Two-Three, yet is dynamic; an explosive thing, able to turn the world and a neighborhood upside down. The church as a supernatural invention; endowed with God’s gift of immortality; the way to disciple each other, and to transfer the life of Jesus to each other. An experience of grace and grapes, love and laughter, joy and jellybeans, forgiveness and fun, power and - yes, why not, paper. A church, which does not need much finances, rhetoric, control and manipulation, which can do without powerful and charismatic heroes, which is non-religious at heart, which can thrill people to the core, make them loose their head for joy, and simply teach us The Way to live. The church which not only has a message, but is the message; which spreads like an unstoppable virus, infects whatever it touches, and ultimately covers the Earth with the glory and knowledge of God. It’s power stems from it’s inventor, who has equipped it with the most genius spiritual genetical code - a sort of heavenly DNA, which allows it to transfer and reproduce Kingdom values from Heaven to Earth, and transform not only water into wine, but atheists into fascinated apostles, policewomen into prophetesses, terrorists into teachers, plumbers into pastors, and dignified village elders into beaming evangelists in the process. It is like a spiritual family - organic, not organized, relational, not formal; it has a persecution-proof structure, matures under tears, multiplies under pressure, grows under the carpet, flourishes in the desert, sees in the dark, and thrives on chaos. A church that can multiply like two fish and five breads in the Hands of Jesus, were the fathers turn their hearts to the sons and the sons their hearts to the fathers, were it’s people are it’s resources, and which has only one name to brag about, the Lamb of God.

Thank You

After you all left our apartment last night I felt incredible peace about whatever lies in front of us. I know that you are committed to us as your friends and brothers and sisters. My relationship with you comforts me through what can seem as a difficult time. I'm growing in excitement to see how GOD is forming us. I look forward to time when we can talk about how we can make an impact for the Kingdom of GOD on earth as it is in Heaven.

If any of my dear friends weren't with us last night, I want to say that I know you have reasons for not joining us, but my heart is with you. I'm sorry that I don't get to be a part of your journey these days.

I told him...

I had a very tough conversation with my boss at church on Wednesday. I told him that I've felt alone and abandoned by the church. I told him that it hurt to have meetings canceled over and over, and not being told that they were being canceled hurt even more. I told him that I've felt like Satellite has been put on the back burner but I keep hearing that it's important. I told him that it's hard for me to believe someone from council when they tell me that they are going to call to see how I'm doing. I told him that only one person on staff has asked me how I'm doing with what's going on. I told him that I didn't honestly didn't expect any "resolutions for continued support" for the Satellite congregation any time soon. I told things felt unfortunately familiar to a different situation at the church two years ago. I told him that I felt like a lame-duck. I told him I struggled to offer hope to the congregation because I was struggling with hope.

This was a really hard conversation to have. I respect my boss very much. I trust his wisdom and discernment. I believe that this is a very difficult decision for him, too. It was incredibly hard to say all of these things to someone I look up to. I didn't want to have this discussion, but I new I needed to. I knew I needed to tell him.

parachurch and church responsibilty

i recently wrote an email in which i took a short deviation and inserted a paragraph or so of my thoughts on "church." afterwards i came to the realization that while i have thought about the topic and had numerous conversations about it, i haven't really put my thoughts down in written words. i given myself a premature new years resolution of starting to write a book on the topic of "church." so i might make a few post here and there along this topic. and don't be surprised if i ask to interview you next year. i don't want to call this part 1 because it isn't really. it's just a part.


many years ago i felt called into ministry. at first i thought my calling was into youth ministry. i got involved with Young Life for a few years. Young Life is an amazing ministry aimed at taking the gospel to the lives of high school and junior high students. it would be considered a parachurch ministry meaning that it is designed to work "along side" of the church. Young Life will make the clear statement that they are not a church, nor is that their intention. their mission is to reach "every kid for Christ." they understand that their mission is to make students into followers of Christ and help them get plugged into a local church. this is often the hardest part of the ministry. Young Life is uses a weekly club meeting filled with messy games, crazy skits, loud music, and a short gospel message to reach students. but when kids come to know Christ and are encouraged to get plugged into a church it's difficult because the elements of club that the kids were drawn to are not found in a typical church. kids see a church where you have to sit and be still for an hour or more, and they want nothing to do with it. so most kids opt to stay in Young Life and struggle with growing in their faith, because Young Life is designed to expose kids to the gospel rather then help them grow deeper in their faith. this is where the relationship between church and parachurch becomes so important. if both ministries are doing what they are supposed to then evangelism and discipleship are being done.

i think i'd like to develop this both and idea of the parachurch needing the church and the church needing the parachurch. if you have any thoughts, i'd love to hear them.