A few posts ago, I commented about several blogs that I would like to be reading. At the end of the post I made the realization that I could, and probably should, be writing about those things. Here I go.
First things first. I feel like I should this statement in case the title gives you any wrong ideas:
I love Lauren more and more each day. I feel loved by her. I can't wait until we are standing face to face to say "I do". My relationship with Lauren isn't the problem. (I hope that I'm not the problem either.) The problem is the engagement. This little formality has snuck upon us and cause so much frustration that I could spit. No, really. I spit when I think about it. I'm convinced that anyone who tells you that their engagement was a blissful, happy time is lying straight to your face. I can't, for the life of me figure out how that could be true. I might be able to hear out the fact that because Lauren and I dated for such a short time we are now dealing with some of the relationship junk that is supposed to happen when two people are dating. But I'm not convinced of that. Most of the frustrating aspects of our life isn't because we are "still getting to know each other," rather it's because we are stuck in limbo.
I am sick of "good night" meaning that one of us has to leave.
I am tired of spending so much time talking on the phone, rather than face to face.
I hate the fact that for the next 43 days we will still be living in two separate homes.
I am frustrated that most of our time together consists of thinking about, talking about, and planning the wedding day.
I am tired of having the wedding day take up so much energy.
I regret not eloping.
I regret setting the wedding date so far away.
I am done with not have a "home" to ourselves.
I am tired of not being able to sit in the silence of our apartment.
Want my advise? When you get to that place in your life, get engaged for two weeks with the intent to elope. That's what I wish we had done.
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4 comments:
amen
and amen.
sometime i would like to ask you about the rapidity of your progression from dating to engaging to marrying. i mean, in the broadscope, it's all occurred in less than a year, and 43 days is an eyelash on a fingertip.
ask away my friend.
and while 43 days seems to be "an eyelash on a fingertip," at the present time it's more like an eternity.
I know exactly how you feel. Our engagement was over a year, just because we couldn't afford to get married. Shawn was living with my grandparents and looking for work. It was incredibly trying. I think we both cried a lot, wishing we didn't have to say goodbye at night.
I think you'll be glad you didn't elope once you're actually AT your wedding. When Lauren walks into the room and you look down the aisle at her and realize you'll walk out of the room a married couple... there are no words for it and you'll be glad you didn't elope. (Maybe?) But I understand how you feel about the longevity.
-Jessi
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