Fear of Failing Faith.

One of the TV shows I regularly watched, while I was growing up, was Family Matters. It was set in Chicago, which won points with me right away. If you've never seen the show you should be ashamed of yourself. I was reminded of this show earlier this week when I had a self-discovery-type moment. In the fifth season of the show there was an episode entitled "That's What Friends are For." I didn't remember all the details of the episode, so I did some research. Eddie gets into college with a scholarship that he applied for. His good friend Waldo was the only person who wasn't excited for him because Waldo feared that this would be the end of their relationship. Meanwhile, Carl is going through some inner turmoil over taking his Lieutenant exam. Steve Urkel tries to comfort Carl, but he isn't quite sure what's wrong with him. After a moment of trying to figure out what's wrong, Steve blurts our, "I know what it is. you've got FOF!" Carl, not knowing what Steve is talking about, asks what FOF is. Steve starts to talk about Fear of Failure. He explains that Carl is stressing over his exam because he is scared that he is going to fail it. Steve starts reassuring Carl that he'll do fine, and because it's a sitcom everything works out in the end.

A little less than a month ago, I found out that the church I work for is going to stop funding to Satellite in March. (Satellite is a college/young adult ministry that I'm the 'coordinator' for) Right now we are waiting to hear what the church's next move is. In all honesty, I'm not really expecting an answer anytime soon. I know that GOD has called me into ministry, and the work I was doing with Satellite felt natural to me. I don't what to see that vaporise because we cant meet at the church. I believe GOD has been speaking to me about planting a church or a house church. I'm certain that it's GOD's voice. But I'm scared to death that it's GOD's voice. I'm going through a period of FOF right now. The idea of starting a church is exciting, but I can't move past the voices of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. When I'm thinking clearly I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. The problem is that it's easy for me to not think clearly. It's easy for me to think about the people who are apart of Satellite who might not even want to do this with me. It's easy to think about how extremely difficult it would be. It's easy to think that their could be years without "fruit" from the ministry.

Yesterday, Lauren was my Urkel. That's a scary thought. Let me explain before anyone has any ridiculous images in thier head. Lauren is an incredible encouragement to me. She reminds me about who I am and who I'm created to be. She tells me things that I don't want to believe are really true. She supports me and reminds me that the ring on her finger means a life time of support. Then she tripped over an extension chord, causing a lamp to crash to the ground. The light bulb burst and caught a blanket on fire. As she waived her hand to calm the flames she cried out, "Did I do that?" (Well, maybe not)

But I digress.
The idea of planting a church or hosting a home church is something that I've never done. It's difficult to even think about what it would be like. I'm afraid that my faith wont be strong enough to endure through the difficult times. Maybe I'm not going through Fear of Failure, but Fear of Failing Faith. I forget that the GOD who is calling me into this difficult situation is the same GOD who prepared the way for me to be in this situation. This is the same GOD who made the way possible for my move to Colorado two and a half years ago. This is the same GOD who has gently nudged and and times pushed me towards his will. I need to daily remind myself of GOD's faithfulness in my life. This is why the Jewish nation celebrates so many holidays. They are days to remember. I don't think that reminding me of GOD's faithfulness will automatically make things easier, but I believe it should help.

So my reminder for today: January 8th, 2006 we had a "Vision Planning Meeting." I remember sitting in Donnie's living room dreaming with a group of people that believed we were going to make a difference. We dreamed about serving the area around us through clothing drives, "sock offerings," VBS with an intercity church, working with Habitat 4 Humanity, and serving Hope House. These desires led us to doing most of these things. 7 months in a row we took food and clothes downtown to feed and cloth the homeless. A small group of people went to do work for Habitat. We helped restore a fence at Hope House. We sang Christmas Carols at Covenant Village. The desire to serve has stuck with us this past year. To GOD be the glory.

Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
If we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
If we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.

2 Timothy ii,11-13

These words bring strength to a failing faith.