...because i know i shall not know.

Ahh, memories.

2007-08-18T08:56:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I forget stuff that I once knew. Sometimes it's important stuff, other times it's stuff like this: The Oracle of Starbucks. A few years ago, while working for Starbucks a coworker of mine ran across this fine website. Needless to say we were all amazed by the Oracle's wisdom. Give it a try.

Oh, and do me a favor. Post a comment with the wisdom the Oracle gave you (and what drink you inputted.) Here's mine:

Quad Short Americano.
Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Asshat
You carry around philosophy books you haven't read and wear trendy wire-rimmed glasses even though you have perfect vision. You've probably added an accent to your name or changed the pronunciation to seem sophisticated. You hang out in coffee shops because you don't have a job because you got your degree in French Poetry. People who drink quad short americano are notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues they don't understand.

Also drinks: Any drink with a foreign name
Can also be found at: The other, locally owned coffee shop you claim to like better

The Oracle is so wise.

Things I've written lately:

2007-08-11T10:50:00.001-06:00

I haven't been posting here that often. The biggest reason for that is that I started a new blog a month or so ago. It's with Wordpress.com, and I really like the format over there. So that's where I end up posting more often. So head over there and subscribe to my page and no one will get hurt.

I still feel some obligation to post here. If I end up commenting on someone else's blogger and they want to check my blog out, I'd like it to be somewhat current. At same time I'd rather not post the same thing on both blogs, so I'm left with writing different things for each blog. Some people I know do really well with this. I'm just not that creative.

If you want to see some pictures that I took on our journey across part of the country, click here.
If you want to read the beginning to the Spotted Cow Tales, here you go.
And if you're interested in some Emerging Church Poster Wars, this is the link for you.

peace

paining

2007-07-15T13:04:00.000-06:00

Lauren convinced me to try painting. So I did. Check out the link if you want to see what I've done so far. Lauren's been painting, too. Check her stuff out here.

Start again.

2007-07-13T18:35:00.000-06:00

April. April was the last time I posted a blog here. That seems like forever ago. In the realm of time it hasn't been forever, however in the amount of things that have seemed to change during this time it has been a long time. I'd like to pick up my blog, dust it off, and continue on. bare with me.

I write some other thought here.

missions and prayer.

2007-04-27T08:57:00.000-06:00

I've been looking through a bunch of international missions web sites lately. It's lighting a fire inside of me that I've been praying for. The more that I read about missions work the more I believe that missions is something that God has been preparing me for. It's exciting and intimidating at the same time.

If you pray, I'd love some prayer for discernment for Lauren and I as we wait on the Lord for his perfect timing.

Weather and Praise-a-Thons

2007-04-14T11:12:00.000-06:00

I was quite disappointed with the lack of snow. I realize that there aren't too many on my side with that comment. When I heard about the potential snow, my anticipation for my day at NOVO grew. I pictured myself sitting in the quite lobby sipping on a warm cup of coffee reading to pass the time. I pictured watching the snow fall onto a still parking lot.

Needless to say I was a little disappointed. But when I read this, it all made sense.

I have a slight rant up on my Wordpress blog. Please don't be offended that I didn't post it here. All you need to do is click here and you'll be whisked away to the post.

Enjoy the sun my friends.

posts and links

2007-04-11T15:46:00.000-06:00

I've got a few new posts up at Wordpress. Nothing too exciting, but I do make a big confession in one post. That should make you want to look.

Also, I posted some thoughts from our prayer time last night. Thank you to those who were there. It's been good to pray with you over the past few weeks. I'll be posting church-type reflections here.

And if you're looking for good short stories to pass some time during your day, check out "The Daily Dime."

Enjoy the sun while it's out. Take a moment to feel the cold breeze on your face. Thank the Lord for the shelter you have to retreat to.

I feel like Cuyler.

2007-04-09T16:04:00.000-06:00

two new blogs. nothing new to say. what can I say, I was intrigued by Wordpress.

Another personal one
and
one for church stuff

[edited 4/11: thanks Todd for the help.]

enjoy.

comment problems

2007-04-09T08:22:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure what happened, but for some reason there isn't a option to post a comment on my last post. Sorry. I'm sure there's hundreds of people who wanted to comment but couldn't. Feel free to comment here if you want to.

If I had the time...

2007-04-06T15:27:00.000-06:00

Another slow day; another great cup of coffee. When I sat down to write yesterday I didn't expect to write the words that I did. I expected to write some thoughts that have been working through my mind. So today I'll write.

If I had the time....

... I would write about the first few weeks of being married. Being married is wonderful. It has been great to know that however busy Lauren or I are we get to "come home" to each other. "Home" has been a great thing for us. I feel at such peace when I'm with her. It has been good to learn new ways to love her. I love having the opportunity of making her breakfast and a sack lunch on days that she has to work. I love knowing that she is coming home to me when she gets off of work. It is work, though. Marriage certainly doesn't make everything perfect. But we weren't naive, we knew things would be difficult too. The "difficult" things are things that I don't think that we could have prepared for. They are the subtleties of our separate lives that are becoming one flesh. It's been good to talk to other married people. They nod their head with a smirk that reveals an unspoken understanding. I don't think any amount of dating or engagement could fully prepare us for marriage. I've talked with people who dated for 3 years before they got married-same thing.

...if I had the time I would write more.

... I would write about the wedding and the honeymoon. Both things seem to be a nothing but a blur. During the wedding I could tell that time was moving fast, which I assumed would cause my memories of the day to play back in fast forward. Even as a blur, it was a wonderful day. We were surrounded with family and friends who care about us. The downside to the day is that we didn't have the time that we wanted to spend with those who came to see us. The time during the honeymoon seemed to pass at a normal speed. Our time was peaceful. The complaint though, we should have stayed longer. We really had only three days there. It would have been nice to have more time away. But it was wonderful and restful.

...if I had the time I would write more.

... I would write more than just congratulations to Giles and Emily, and Todd and Micah. Both of you couples are in different places that Lauren and I were when we were engaged, but I feel confident in saying that this path that you are now on will be more rewarding and more difficult then the path that got you to this place.
Giles- I'm happy for you. Continue to place your relationship with GOD before every thing else. GOD has been working in you to mold you into a man that is ready for marriage. Don't neglect that relationship and expect yourself to continue to grow.
Todd and Micah- It's been fun to see you two grow closer together over the past 2+ years. I've seen you grow as individuals and as a couple. Surround yourselves with people who encourage you to be yourselves, but are willing to challenge you in why you do it.

...if I had the time I would write more.

... I would write more about what GOD is doing at church. I've wanted to write weekly about what is going on. We've shared meals together. Prayed together. Studied together. Laughed together. Cried together. I would love to commit time to write about all of these things. I am learning so much about church by being in community with you. I believe that GOD is preparing us for great things if we are willing to submit to his plan for our lives. I see the anticipation in many of your eyes. GOD is moving. GOD is answering our prayers. The sick will be healed. The lost will be found. GOD will be glorified.

...if I had the time I would write more.

clarity and patience

2007-04-05T13:29:00.000-06:00

Another slow day at work allows me some time to sit and reflect. So as I sip my Elida Estate , brewed in a French Press, I'll share a bit of what's been on my mind. [side note: NOVO received a Best Of award from Westword.]

I've wanted to write. I really have. But it seems that any time I would sit to write I would lose any clarity that I had. Clarity is one thing that I have been praying for lately. My mind races with words, images, and sounds for every topic I try to focus on: marriage, church, work, family, friends, missions, school. They all hold their own set of confusion. Clarity seems to be the thing to pray for in this situation, doesn't it? I want to be able to see clearly. I want to know what is in front of me. I want to know where GOD is working. I read a quote a few weeks ago that has challenged me in this thinking. I wish I could remember the author. I would love to give the credit. "Do not pray for clarity; pray for patience." I had to mull this over for many days before I started to understand. In my prayers for clarity, I was wanted knowledge and understanding. However in pray and seeking for patience I would have to force myself to a place of faith. Today my prayer has been for patience. I am confident that GOD is in control of all areas of my life. I believe that GOD is working in ways that I can't see and in ways that I'm not looking for. I think my desire for clarity took me to a place where I was wanting to control what was around. Patience, on the other hand, admits that it doesn't always have control. I was reading Paul's letter to the church in Colosse, and the first part of his letter was something that I spent some time reading and rereading.

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, To the holy and faithful brothers in Christ at Colosse: Grace and peace to you from God our Father. We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints-- the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you. All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace in all its truth. You learned it from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant, who is a faithful minister of Christ on our behalf, and who also told us of your love in the Spirit. For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Paul's prayer for the church, at this time, was that they would have "great endurance and patience." I wonder if it was the prayers for endurance and patience that worked through this church to be known for it's faith? As I've thought more about praying for patience rather than clarity, I'm reminded that patience is a characteristic that shows the Spirit is active in my life. Paul puts it in a list that we call the "Fruits of the Spirit." The clarity I was praying for was primarily for my own benefit. It was for my peace of mind. (I think that this kind of clarity that I was praying for is different that praying for a prophetic kind of clarity. That's a whole 'nother topic) But having patience is something that could and should point to the Spirit's work in my life.

During the past two weeks I look at a countless number of job postings. What an awful thing for anyone to do. I looked at all types of jobs: clerical, labor, retail, restaurants, hospitality. One job stuck out more than the rest. It was a job working at a landscaping yard. I sent my resume to them and received a response that they had filled the position. I was so frustrated because that was the only job that I felt like I would enjoy doing. I prayed that GOD would grant me patience as I continued the search. Tuesday I received and email that let me know that they were looking to hire one more person at part time, and wanted to know if I was interested. Wednesday I went in for an interview. They offered me the job, and I took it. GOD has answered my prayers. Not only did I find a job, but I've gained an understanding and desire for more patience in my life.

One area of my life down, six to go.

I'm back.

2007-03-28T08:55:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in 27 days. It's been a busy month. My job as the Satellite coordinator ended March 1. I was married on March 18th. The disenfranchised group of people from Satellite have formed a home church called, at least for now, "the experiment." Life has been busy. But I'm excited to be home and getting used to married life. I'm sure there will be plenty of posts on that in the months to come.

Our wedding was beautiful. Thank you to all of you who were with us. Our honeymoon was relaxing and fun. It's been wonderful getting used to sleeping next to someone every night.

Preaching Re-Imagined::section 3:chapter 4

2007-03-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

The Roots of Speaching

Much of this chapter, Doug explains some changes that took place through the history of the church that led to sermons into the well crafted speaches. Back in the day (pre-industrial reformation) rural communities would have a residential pastor along with their own community's church. With the industrial reformation and people migrating into the cities the days of a "residential pastor" were fleeting. This opened the door for the itinerant preacher to come in, set up shop (large tent) and preach to a large community. Doug wrote:

Over time the issue in the minds of the pastor and parishioner was not How are we living with GOD? but What do you have for me to hear?

This transition in mindset made a lot of sense when I thought about it. Having a pastor directly involved and living in the community would allow them to ask the question How are we living..., and when the transition happened that would change the relationship between the pastor and parishioners.

A quote without context, but I believe that it stands strong on its own:

It's difficult to justify the more natural exression when the synthetic has become the norm.

and one more:

But we will flourish in settings where there is dialogue, where we become part of the learning and growing process of our congregations--not just as leaders, but as peole who are also learning and growing--in ways we never imagined possible.

The last quote seems a bit sensationalized, but I like it.

a day of reflection

2007-03-01T14:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my last day at 4Cs. I spent the morning cleaning out my office. It wasn’t very difficult-there wasn’t much there. It did take me a few hours because I found that I kept stopping to reflect on things that I found. Here’s some things I remember about Satellite; more specifically, things I’m proud of. I’ll try to remember them in chronological order. If I’m leaving anything out, or if you have a different perspective on things please let me know.

I remember two summers ago when Donnie and I started to gather a “core team” of people who desired to see a ministry for college/young adults/young families start in Arvada. I remember those meetings we had at the Hinshaw’s house. We shared food, had incredible moments of worship, read Scripture together in a way that made it come alive, and shared openly about our frustrations and desires for what could be. I remember moments together when we would sit in silence and allow GOD to send the Spirit to speak to us. I remember tears. Even as I’m reminiscing, tears are forming in my eyes. Those meetings were beautiful.

I remember the “HomeTeam Kick Off.” I remember the group of 50 people that met at the Depot at Five Parks. I remember meeting people there who have now become great friends. We had people who wanted to be apart of a HomeTeam in Thornton, at CSU, at Western, commuting college students in Arvada, young adults, young married couples with kids. I remember sitting in a big circle and looking around and trusting that GOD had big plans for us. I also remember the chili. Roger made some dang good chili.

I remember the two preview services that we had that fall. I was so anxious about those. We had people coming early to volunteer for all kinds of things. Set up/tear down teams, a team to make things look nice, worship team, greeting/ushering teams, prayer teams, and I sure we had a few more. I remember the energy that was palpable for those services. I remember starting every service by standing in a circle, hearing scripture read aloud, and praying together. I remember serving hotdogs downtown after both preview services.

I remember hearing stories from the group that went to Habitat for Humanity. There’s a story about painting a forklift. I heard that that opportunity to serve brought that group of seemingly random people together.

I remember the strong desire to just start meeting weekly, and not wait till the New Year. But we waited. I remember when we started to meet weekly. I remember how that we really helpful to forming a larger community.

I remember how we created one:twentyseven and committed to serve others in some capacity every month. I remember taking chili downtown; I think we served 150 cups. I remember bringing socks and blankets and jackets and gloves to people who needed them. But what I remember most is talking with people down there. I remember seeing Satellite people engaged in authentic conversation with people. I remember having a smile on my face as I saw Satellite people scattered all around those two blocks sitting in the dirt to talk with people. I remember when we were able to remember names and faces of those living on the street.

I remember hearing about the joys and struggles of being a HomeTeam. I remember the perseverance of some to keep a struggling group together. I remember hearing who some found life through their group. I remember hearing about the prayer that became the life source of the group. I remember hearing about kids waiting for a certain person to be done so they could play beauty shop. I remember the need to start another group because one had become too big. I remember that those groups were not just a Bible study. Those groups were places for laughter, tears, confession, confrontation, and growth. I remember that life was found in those groups.

I remember going through the tough decision to start meeting on Sunday nights. I remember being concerned for those who couldn’t be with us on Sunday. I remember moving into the sanctu-nasium. It was great to have all that space to spread out during the time of worship.

I remember ultimate-Frisbee.

I remember the summer when every week was a different group of people, yet despite all the changes those nights were great. I remember going from 35 people one week to 8 people the next, and being certain that GOD was moving regardless of who was there. I remember the move to tables and chairs. We started experimenting with what Satellite really was. We had nights when we didn’t do any music for worship. I remember nights of corporate silence. I remember writing together. I remember singing together.

I remember when we felt comfortable as a group of 20.

I remember moving into the Fellowship Center.

I remember the Thanksgiving we shared together. That was some good food. Mmm, sweet-potato casserole. I remember meeting for “core” meetings to talk about Spiritual Gifts, how we can serve better, and what dreams/visions we had for what Satellite could be. I remember Christmas Caroling. And the Christmas Party.

I remember trying to figure out what we were going to do after each Satellite. Old Chicago, Chili’s, Spudnutz, Chipotle.

I remember being uncertain of what the future held, but being certain that we were heading in the right direction. I think it was those last two months when we felt most comfortable with who we were as a group.

Certainly, there were times of frustration, confusion, regret, disappointment, and fear. We said good-bye to people leaving our HomeTeams. We said good-bye to HomeTeams. We said good-bye to Donnie and his family. We never knew who would show up each week. We lost focus, a lot. We didn’t care enough for people inside or outside of Satellite. There were moments of alienation for some people.

I am certain that everything that happened with Satellite was not beyond GOD’s reach. I am convinced that GOD was pleased with what has happened over the last year and a half. I believe that Satellite has not been a failure.

If you have any other memories to remind me of, please let me know, I would love to hear them.

an experimentation in ecclesia

2007-02-26T14:55:00.000-07:00

Last night was the last "official" Satellite gathering. It felt something like a two sided coin. On one side, the end of Satellite has been vague and frustrating. On the other, the end is taking us to a place of excitement and adventure. The end of Satellite has been vague because there has been little communication between the leadership of the church and myself. I received a letter yesterday that was supposed to be sent to me two months ago that had the details of the end of my position. Two months of not knowing when my last day was, and when I asked the response was that it would be March 4, but the letter says February 28. I haven't been pushing for the continuation of Satellite because I desperately want the church to have a passion for the generation that doesn't feel welcome in any church. This church has been my home church since I moved out to Colorado; it was the reason I moved 2000 miles across the country. My heart is burdened for this church, yet at the same time my heart is excited for the community of Satellite.

The future of the Satellite community is exciting to me. I feel as though we are moving into an experimentation of what we think church is supposed to be. An experiment of ecclesia, if you will. I don’t know if everyone who is currently apart of Satellite will continue with us. That is an aspect of the current expression of Satellite that I wish would not we would not have to deal with, but I realize that it is a reality of change. In the same way, change will draw people to us. Within Satellite’s history there have been moments of change that show this reality. We originally met on Saturday nights, and when we switched to Sunday nights we experienced the shift in people. The same thing happened when Donnie left; people who were drawn to Donnie left and there were some who were drawn to me that started to come. I’m certain that there will be some of the people who we care very much for that will choose to be a part of a different community. I’m at peace with that.

There was a small group of people that met last Tuesday to talk about what we desired to see happen with our community. We didn’t have any great revelation of where we were going, but something very significant happened. At the beginning of our time together we spent time in prayer, and several people prayed that GOD would give us unity of thought as we moved forward. I believed that GOD answered this prayer. As we all shared our thoughts and hope we all seemed to be on the same page. This, I believe, is a huge blessing to the start of something that we are able to see yet. As we continue to meet and dream and plan, I’m going to ask that those who want to be involved with this experiment will continue to pray that. I’m convinced that the only way for us to move forward with any form of “church,” is to be united in our thoughts. I know that there will be times that we will disagree on things. But I’ve been praying that GOD will bring people around us that have a heart for what is going on and who want to be fully involved. I’ve also been praying that GOD will protect us from people who don’t share the vision. I think that if there will be one thing that will harm us as a community is people who are apathetic about what we are doing. Apathetic people can be a distraction from the purpose of the group. Also, apathetic people can offer subtle comments that cause dissention with the community. I don’t think it’s too bold to ask that GOD protect us from that.

I’ll end with a quote from a book I’m reading. The book is called Houses that Change the World and is written by Wolfgang Simson. I found a draft copy of the book in a PDF format. I printed it off and I’d like to pass it around to people a section at a time. I think it would be cool for everyone to read it, make notes on it, and then pass it on to someone else. Cuyler, you’re up first. No pressure. Here’s a paragraph that Simson starts the book of with under the heading “Too good to be true?”

Being brought up in ”Christian” Germany with churches everywhere, I have always felt that there must be something exciting about the Church which Jesus started and about which I read in the New Testament - but somehow I have yet to discover what it is. I dreamed - together with many friends and colleagues, of a church, that is as simple as One-Two-Three, yet is dynamic; an explosive thing, able to turn the world and a neighborhood upside down. The church as a supernatural invention; endowed with God’s gift of immortality; the way to disciple each other, and to transfer the life of Jesus to each other. An experience of grace and grapes, love and laughter, joy and jellybeans, forgiveness and fun, power and - yes, why not, paper. A church, which does not need much finances, rhetoric, control and manipulation, which can do without powerful and charismatic heroes, which is non-religious at heart, which can thrill people to the core, make them loose their head for joy, and simply teach us The Way to live. The church which not only has a message, but is the message; which spreads like an unstoppable virus, infects whatever it touches, and ultimately covers the Earth with the glory and knowledge of God. It’s power stems from it’s inventor, who has equipped it with the most genius spiritual genetical code - a sort of heavenly DNA, which allows it to transfer and reproduce Kingdom values from Heaven to Earth, and transform not only water into wine, but atheists into fascinated apostles, policewomen into prophetesses, terrorists into teachers, plumbers into pastors, and dignified village elders into beaming evangelists in the process. It is like a spiritual family - organic, not organized, relational, not formal; it has a persecution-proof structure, matures under tears, multiplies under pressure, grows under the carpet, flourishes in the desert, sees in the dark, and thrives on chaos. A church that can multiply like two fish and five breads in the Hands of Jesus, were the fathers turn their hearts to the sons and the sons their hearts to the fathers, were it’s people are it’s resources, and which has only one name to brag about, the Lamb of God.

Preaching Re-Imagined::section two:chapter 3

2007-02-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

Peter and Cornelius

Doug uses the interaction between Peter and Cornelius as an "exceptionally clear" picture of progressional dialogue. He mentions the misunderstanding of the Jewish people believing that Gentile believers would need to become Jewish to fully follow Jesus. Does this sound familiar at all. We might not be talking in terms of Jewish and Gentiles, but maybe Republican and Democrat might be a bit more applicable.

If you need a summery of the story here it goes. You can read about in Acts 10 and 11. Cornelius is a Gentile who fears GOD. Cornelius goes to the temple and is involved in all the activities that he can, as a Gentile. An angel appears to Cornelius and tells him to send some people to Joppa and to bring Peter back with them. The men go and while they are on they're journey Peter had a vision, too. Peter's get a vision of a sheet that has all "unclean" animals on it. GOD told Peter to eat the animals, but Peter said that he would never do that because he didn't want to defile himself that way. Peter is awaken from his vision by the men that Cornelius sent. Peter goes with the men back to Cornelius and it is at Cornelius' house that we see the full extent of Peter's vision. Peter understands that the Gentiles are part of the story GOD had for the Jewish nation too. This is a big deal. Especially if you remember that many of the Jewish leaders expected the Gentile to convert to Judaism to follow Jesus. This proved that Gentiles could go before GOD through Jesus on their own.

The rest of the story is pretty cool. You should read it for yourself and tell me what you think. Here's a quote from the book that I really enjoy:

I don't think it's an overstatement to say Peter was forced to rethink all he had done to this point.

I realize that my life isn't quite at the juxtaposition that Peter's was, but I feel as if right now I'm in a period of rethinking everything I've thought about ministry. I'm certain that's a good thing. I'm glad several of you are on the journey with me.

Lent

2007-02-21T12:16:00.000-07:00

Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent. Ashes are placed on our foreheads while being reminded to turn away from sin and to be faithful to the gospel. The ashes that are used are taken from the ashes of the burned palm branches that were used in last years Palm Sunday service. This is a beautiful picture of redemption for these symbols of Lent. The Palm leaves that are used to rejoice in Jesus' triumphal entry are also used as a reminder of our sin.

There are three pillars of the Lenten season. Those are Prayer, Fasting, and Almsgiving.

Prayer: There are numerous resources to aid you with prayers through the season of lent. I will probably use several different one to help give me a broader perspective of what Lent means. I think I'd like to use this time to seek GOD's direction for where Satellite is going.

Fasting: I originally thought that I would give up caffeine for Lent, but I'm having second thoughts. Not because I want caffeine, but because I think GOD has something different for me to fast from. For now, I'm going to give up caffeine, but I'm not going to be surprised if that changes.

Almsgiving: I have been praying that GOD will offer opportunities for Lauren and I to give to those in need who live around us. There have already been opportunities for me to give to those in need, and I expect that this Lenten season will offer other opportunities.

And now a pray for the day:
Almighty and everlasting God, you despise nothing you have made and forgive the sins of all who are penitent. Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our brokenness, may obtain of you, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.
Amen.

thoughts on prayer:

2007-02-20T12:23:00.000-07:00

These are not my words. But since I've read them they haven't left my head.

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water,
and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind starts
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Wendell Berry, Collected Poems

Prosperity Gospel at it's finest:

2007-02-19T10:10:00.000-07:00

Pastor Mac Hammond said the media and many Christians don't understand the prosperity gospel. "God says if you base your life on his covenant, these blessings are gonna overtake you; you can't do anything about it, friend. [What was once] flocks and herds is in today's parlance stocks and bonds.

"It takes wealth, folks, to establish God's covenant on this Earth. You and I will never get so spiritual that we don't need money to get more influential in the world we're in."

If this doesn't make you sick, read the rest of the article. The article does say that out of a $34 million gross revenue the church gives $3 million to charitable causes and evangelism, [edited on 2.21 read the comments, join the fun.] If you check out their website you'll find the typical mega-church format. Listen to a sermon and you'll find a lot of self back-patting, and chest-puffing. Of course, it's hard to talk about a ministry without any personal involvement. I listened to a sermon and heard these words:

"It takes wealth, folks, to establish GOD's covenant in this earth. You and I will never get so spiritual that we don't need money to be more influential in the world that we live in. It takes money to buy air time. It takes money to become highly visible. It takes money to influence a community.
"The world is not moved by poverty. There's enough of that. If you've got hole's in your shoes there not too interested in what you have to say, friend.
"You can't even obey the mandate to love without being financially prosperous. Because love means to give, to be a blessing to somebody else. If you hadn't got anything to give you cant even love."

Does this bother anyone else? He's preaching that you can't love if your not prosperous. Then on top of this he started to preach that the Bible teaches that ministers should be paid double everyone because that way they are able to minister out of what they know. He also said something to the effect that if the enemy keeps the preacher living in poverty through tradition then it keeps the congregation living below the standard that is available to them because the pastor is only able to teach about things that he/she has experienced.

I need to stop this post, I'm getting too worked up.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Lord have mercy.

Thank You

2007-02-19T09:32:00.000-07:00

After you all left our apartment last night I felt incredible peace about whatever lies in front of us. I know that you are committed to us as your friends and brothers and sisters. My relationship with you comforts me through what can seem as a difficult time. I'm growing in excitement to see how GOD is forming us. I look forward to time when we can talk about how we can make an impact for the Kingdom of GOD on earth as it is in Heaven.

If any of my dear friends weren't with us last night, I want to say that I know you have reasons for not joining us, but my heart is with you. I'm sorry that I don't get to be a part of your journey these days.

2 thoughts for today

2007-02-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

As I was studying for this weeks message I came upon some type of epiphany. I was look for verses that reference the "consolation of Israel," which is a name for the Messiah. It is found in Isaiah 12:1, 49:13. The "consolation of Israel" describes the Messiah as the comforter. In Isaiah 12 the prophet writes:

In that day you will say: "I will praise you, O LORD. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me."

And in Isaiah 49 it is written:

Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

OK, now my mind is running away. I've got two thoughts now.

I've grown up with a incomplete understanding of how the the books within the Bible intertwine. As I was reading these verses from Isaiah I was reminded that Isaiah was a prophet during the reign of Hezekiah. And then it hit me. The books of the prophets aren't random books written independently from other books. I realize that this might not be a great revelation to anyone else. I kind of knew that this was true but when I thought of it today it made a lot of sense. To add onto of this revelation the prophets, whose lives were intertwined with the rest of Israel's history continued to offer pictures of the Messiah which was to come. All of the prophets spoke about the Messiah. All the prophets eluded to a time when everything would be made right, and in this case, eluded to a time when GOD would comfort his people.

A characteristic of the Messiah was the "comforter" or one who offers the "consolation of Israel." Jesus fulfills the multitude of messianic prophecies including being the "consolation of Israel." The Greek word for 'comforter' is the transliterated word 'parakletos.' This word is used exclusively by the Apostle John, and is found in his gospel account of Jesus and in the first letter we have recorded. In the first of John's letters he calls Jesus the parakletos as a fulfillment of the prophecy.

"My little children, I am writing this to you so that you may not sin; but if any one does sin, we have an advocate [parakletos] with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He is the expiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. And by this we may be sure that we know Him, if we keep His Commandments. He who says "I know Him" but disobeys His Commandments is a liar, and the Truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His Word, in him truly love for God is perfected. By this we may be sure that we are in Him: he who says He abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked." (1 John 2:1-6 RSV)

In this letter, the word parakletos is most often translated as "advocate," but it is also referred to as "the one who speaks" or "one who pleads." This is the only time that parakletos is translated as advocate. In John's gospel account parakletos is translated as comforter. While in John's letter parakletos is in reference to Jesus, parakletos, in his account of the Gospel, refers to the Holy Spirit.

Joh 14:16	And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter[parakletos], that he may abide with you for ever;
Joh 14:26	But the Comforter[parakletos], which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
Joh 15:26	But when the Comforter[parakletos] is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me:
Joh 16:7	Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter[parakletos] will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.

The same word that is in reference to the Messiah is used for both Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Does this mean that the Messiah is still with us? In John 14:16 we read the words of Jesus and he says that he "will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever." (NIV; emphasis is mine) If this word parakletos refers to the Messiah, then are these words of Jesus suggesting that the Messiah is with us forever? If this is true, what affect should this have on our understanding of salvation and atonement? This leads me to understand that our salvation isn't just future experience, but it is living inside of us through the presence of the Holy Spirit. This makes sense to me. I understand that we look toward the day when Christ will return for the completion of his Kingdom, but I've always felt as if salvation meant more than that. As we read the Jewish history throughout the pages of the Old Testament and Apocrypha or inter-testament period, we read about the Jewish people crying out for salvation from their present time, but also crying out for a salvation in the future. Is it possible, then that GOD, in his great mercy would send a Messiah for both our present times and also the future?

I never expected to write this much on this.
The thought hit me and I guess I've run with it.
This leave me much to think about-in a really good way.
I would love to hear what you think, even if it's an incomplete thought.

Preaching Re-Imagined::section 3:chapter 2

2007-02-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

Understand Progressional Dialogue

I was surprised at the brevity of this chapter because I was hoping that I would be offered a greater understanding of progressional dialogue. Maybe that's typical of the mindset that we have been raised in-a box for everything, and everything in a box. Maybe my thoughts of progressional dialogue are to complex. Maybe it's much simpler than that.

This past Sunday I tried to offer the sermon through progressional dialogue. I started with a question, thrown out to everyone, about what they new about a person. People started responding and on occasion someone would take a comment in a different direction, but people would just roll with it. I did take time to expound things or seek clarity from the group and there were times when I was able to offer a directional understanding to the topic. Overall I felt very positive about it. I think that others felt that way, too.

Here's a quote from the chapter:

As pastors we spend years in theological training to make sure we know what we're talking about and that we're informed, educated leaders who won't toss out crazy ideas about GOD to the masses.

I think the attempt to try progressional dialogue is much easier for me because I haven't been through years of theological training. I don't have any degree in theo-anything. I got "B's" in high school Bible class. I continually question my understanding of the Bible and it's relationship within the context of a community of followers of Christ. There are many times in which I want to hear someone else's perspective on a particular passage or theme and this form of preaching allows that opportunity.

Doug often alludes to the Bible as becoming an member of the community. I like this imagery. I think that this places the Bible in the place of an active, living member of the community. Just in case I need to clarify, I'm not suggesting that we lower our expectation of GOD's Word to the place of a person who is casually attending the gatherings. I have the highest regard for the Scriptures because it has sustained thousands of years of Jewish and Christian history. That's something more than any of us can say.

Preaching Re-Imagined::section3:chapter 1

2007-02-12T15:12:00.000-07:00

Section 3 is titled "A Move to Something New." This section starts what might be considered the "actual book." While it seems as though Doug uses the first two sections as an introduction--to prepare his audience for the "application" of his message--I wasn't surprised when this didn't necessarily prove true. Remember, Doug is trying to present his book as a conversation in the best way he can. The last two sections are filled with short chapters that seem to ask for participation. So here I go, attempting a form of conversation.

Chapter 1: Speaching vs. Preaching

I assume that one of the expectations for this book might be the hope of being told the "right way" to preach, or perhaps not the "right way," but the "new, hip way." At times I find myself looking for those new methods to doing things, but Doug points out that he isn't really suggesting a new method. He writes:

But to me there is no way to separate the method from the message. As I will argue throughout the book, the way we "speech" creates a certain understanding of GOD, faith, life, authority, and power that is detrimental to the message we are attempting to live and communicate as pastors.

I think that this statement proves why some people, regardless of method, fall into the same ruts. I wonder, though, if Doug's statement isn't backwards? I think that our understanding of GOD shapes the way we create "speeches." A.W. Tozer wrote that our view of GOD is the most important thing about us. Our view of GOD shapes every aspect of our life. If this is true then our view of GOD would certainly impact the way we preach about GOD. Doug wrote: "My contention is that this way of preaching hurts our communities." I wonder if some of this has to do with the struggle for some churches to create community? I wonder if the relationship between the pastor and the congregation is because of the pastors approach to preaching.

I've realized that even in the short time that I've been preaching, my approach to creating a message is shaped by my understanding and relationship with GOD. I have a feeling that this is something that will continue for years to come.

Thank you

2007-02-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

Thank you, my friends. I was in a great need for community, and you came through.

Thank you for hanging in there when the future seems unclear. I’m not worried about the future when I’m with you guys.

Thank you for sharing with everyone during the message. It was wonderful to hear all of your thoughts, and not be limited to my perspective.

Thank you for the flexibility you provide. I don’t worry about starting or ending on time because you offer continuous graces.

Thank you for helping me understand what church is suppose to be about.

Preaching Re-Imagined, pt 2.

2007-02-03T09:21:00.000-07:00

The second section of the book is called "Preaching Beyond Speaching." From the title of this section I expected that this chapter would create the foundation for the rest of the book. It did. I'll start with a quote from this section:

We don't participate in Christian communities so we can produce and hear great sermons. We take part in the communities because we believe they're where we're formed and shaped to become the people of GOD-people who are actively living in the kingdom.

I really like his use of the word participate-as if each person is needed. Many of the churches I've been to (whether a part of the congregation or visiting) have left me with the feeling that it would be no different if I had never walked through their doors. I've always wanted Satellite to be a place where people could be involved. I feel like we (not just me) did this fairly well. I think one of the things that helped this was that the core people within the community were very welcoming.

On to a few core definitions that Doug starts to use.
The first is SPEACHING. Doug makes an important distinction between preaching and speaching. The difference is found in the "relationship of the presenter to both the listeners and the content:..." As I was reading this I realized that Doug wasn't trying to do away with preaching, but he is calling us to something more than what it has been left to. I'll continue the last quote "...the pastor uses lecture-like format, often standing while the listeners are sitting. The speacher decides the content ahead of time, usually in a removed setting, and then offers it in such a way that the speacher is in control of th econtent, speed, and conclusion of the presentation."

Doug's challenge to speaching is with, what he has coined as PROGRESSIONAL DIALOGUE. Progressional Dialogue is defined in the context where "the content of the presentation is established in the context of a healthy relationship between the presenter and the listeners, and the substantive changes in the content are then created as a result of the relationship." Progressional Dialogue is a stark contrast to Speaching.

This section is the longest section in the book. I think that this is in part because Doug is trying to show the need to step away from speaching. He lists 5 negative effects that speaching has on a community of faith: Creates one seat of Godly authority, Provides one clear message, Offers a sense of control, Reinforces a particular kind of relationship with the Bible, and Reinforces a particular kind of relationship between pastor and congregation. Doug uses the 5 effect to show that speaching cultivates a separation between the pastor and the community, and that the pastors understanding of the Word is the most important. One sentence that resonated with me is found just before he starts to lists the 5 effects. Doug wrote that "we continue to stand in front of our congregations and offer them our well-crafted speeches, hoping that somehow they'll find meaning in our words." This spoke to me because I've always struggled with my ability to craft a sermon. I feel inadequate in preparing a sermon. I haven't been through seminary. I haven't even taken a homiletics class. I do realize, though, that this might by why the people who have been a part of Satellite have continued with us. And perhaps why other people have not stayed with us. Some people are looking for "well-crafted" sermons with three points and colorful illustrations. That's not me.

To contrast the negative effects of speaching on a community, Doug offers the following "practices" of progressional dialogue: Re-imagined preparation, Delivery, and Listening. He also lists his assumptions of progressional dialogue: Assumes GOD's truth resides in all people, Provides a fuller understanding of the story, Shifts control to GOD, Alters the community's relationship with the Bible, Alters the relationship between pastor and congregation.

I'm excited to get into the rest of the book. I feel like Doug has done a good job of showing the need for a change in preaching. I'm sure that the rest of the book leads into expounding on the practices and assumptions of progressional dialogue. I'll leave you with a short paragraph from this section that I really like.

Because we've been wed to speaching for so long, we've trained our communities to respond to our speeches by asking themselves, How does this apply to me? as though the Word of GOD is some topical ointment. More often than not the will come up with some generic application-- be nice to my neighbors, be honest in my relationships, and so on. But is that really the best we can offer our communities?

I hope not.

Engagements Suck.

2007-02-01T15:57:00.000-07:00

A few posts ago, I commented about several blogs that I would like to be reading. At the end of the post I made the realization that I could, and probably should, be writing about those things. Here I go.

First things first. I feel like I should this statement in case the title gives you any wrong ideas:
I love Lauren more and more each day. I feel loved by her. I can't wait until we are standing face to face to say "I do". My relationship with Lauren isn't the problem. (I hope that I'm not the problem either.) The problem is the engagement. This little formality has snuck upon us and cause so much frustration that I could spit. No, really. I spit when I think about it. I'm convinced that anyone who tells you that their engagement was a blissful, happy time is lying straight to your face. I can't, for the life of me figure out how that could be true. I might be able to hear out the fact that because Lauren and I dated for such a short time we are now dealing with some of the relationship junk that is supposed to happen when two people are dating. But I'm not convinced of that. Most of the frustrating aspects of our life isn't because we are "still getting to know each other," rather it's because we are stuck in limbo.

I am sick of "good night" meaning that one of us has to leave.
I am tired of spending so much time talking on the phone, rather than face to face.
I hate the fact that for the next 43 days we will still be living in two separate homes.
I am frustrated that most of our time together consists of thinking about, talking about, and planning the wedding day.
I am tired of having the wedding day take up so much energy.
I regret not eloping.
I regret setting the wedding date so far away.
I am done with not have a "home" to ourselves.
I am tired of not being able to sit in the silence of our apartment.

Want my advise? When you get to that place in your life, get engaged for two weeks with the intent to elope. That's what I wish we had done.

Preaching Re-Imagined, pt 1.

2007-01-31T19:47:00.000-07:00

Even before I opened the book, I knew that it was going to be different than most books I had read. I had read and loved another book by Doug, so I assumed that he would bring something fresh with this one too. And right off the bat, he does. The first "section" contains the usual introductions. The whats and whys and whos of the book. But the first thing that reminded me of the authorship of this book was that within the first section there is a "How to Read this Book" heading. Doug writes books differently. The first book I read of his was a book about his church, Solomon's Porch. The margins of the pages had journal entries from people within the church body. That was a weird, yet refreshing way to read a book about a church. This "How to..." section falls right in line. He explains that Section 2 has sentences and phrases which have numbers attached at the end. The numbers can take you to that particular chapter found within 4 different sections. He writes this to explain things:

For example, you might not be interested in the story of how I became a preacher but would prefer to go right to my suggestions of rethinking the role of the pastor. If so, you can skip point number five and go right to point 23.

I was really intrigued by this and found myself flipping through the book to figure out how this actually works. Doug explains that his reasons for this is because he wanted to write a book that felt more like a conversation rather that a "stagnate place of information" (my words). In this first section he shares a few phrases that seemingly elude to phrases that will become a foundation to the book: "progressional dialogue" (a phrase that he made up), and "speaching" (also made up, to refer to "the style of preaching that's hardly distinguishable from a one-way speech.")

I'm an underliner, a margin-writer, and a dog-earer, and Doug encourages this. He writes that the "book should not be left in its impersonal, published form. If it is, then it hasn't done its job of engaging you in the conversation." I like that. I can handle that.

Here's some things that I underlined and bracketed:

I find myself wanting to live life with the people of my community where I can preach-along with the other preachers of our community-but not allow that to become an act of speech making. Instead I want it to be a living interaction of the story of GOD and the story of our community being connected by our truth telling, our vulnerability, and our open minds, ears, and eyes-all brought together by the active work of the Spirit of GOD as we "Let the message of Christ dwell among (us) richly as (we) teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns and songs from the Spirit, singing to GOD with gratitude in (our) hearts." (Colossians 3:16)

These words remind me about the desire I have to be apart of a community that doesn't just rely on the history of faith to give us something to sing about, but creates expressions based out of our own personal history. I love the phrase "living interaction of the story of GOD and the story of our community... ." It reminds me that the purpose of the community is to find it's place within the redemptive story of GOD, and if the community isn't doing that, then it isn't doing what it is supposed to be doing. Here's one more quote:

The church is best understood not as the exclusive proprietor of all the things of GOD, but rather as the home base for those committed to living in rhythm with GOD. It is a means by which we extend GOD's hopes, dreams, and agenda in the world, not an end goal in itself. Nor is preaching an end in itself but one of the many ways we as Christians ought to seek to tend to the things of GOD.

These two paragraphs have given me much to think about within the past day and a half. Let me know your thought if you have any. I think I'm off to bed and on to Section 2.

book review.

2007-01-31T19:30:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I was waiting in anticipation of a little box from Amazon. I had ordered two books that had caught my attention. The first, The Forgotten Ways by Alan Hirsch, is a book that I am excited about reading. I haven't read any of Hirsch's books, but I continue to hear intriguing things about him and his vision of the church. The second book, Preaching Re-Imagined by Doug Pagitt, drew my attention because I've been thinking about the way that I preach/teach. I've read Pagitt before and love the way he talks about his church community.

I wanted to blog through one of these books. I don't have a format for it. I just want to put some thoughts down and try to generate some conversation with it. With in the last week I've seen three other people blogging about The Forgotten Ways, so that helped me decided to work through Pagitt's book first.

I'm looking forward to this. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

blog posts I'd like to read right now:

2007-01-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

someone in the process of getting married. I want to hear about someone going through the motions of planning a wedding. I want to read about another couple who is really frustrated with not living in the same place.
someone within the emerging church who is writing about the struggles of making the ideology of the movement into a physical expression. I want to read about a pastor/leader/teacher/community member who is writing honest about what isn't working for them as they try to live life in an emerging community.
a group of people writing in a collaborative effort to talk about the "church" life. I want to read different perspectives on the same events.
someone who is writing about struggling with feeling "wrong" because he isn't deconstructing things in the same way his friends are.

I started writing this list while really desiring to read something different. I've found myself reading the same perspectives for a while now. This mostly applies to the authors who I don't know; the people who I do know, generally entertain. After typing this list out I realized that I could be an author of all of those blogs. And I didn't realize it at the time, but I want to read these types of posts because I want to feel like I'm not alone. I want some form of encouragement. I want to read something that will speak to me and the place in life that I'm in now.

I think that one of the reasons that I haven't been writing a lot lately is because I have been in a stagnate place with the things I've been reading. I suppose that it isn't all that strange that the things I read spur me on to write.

So, here's to reading and writing that challenges and provokes.
I'll raise my glass to that.

I told him...

2007-01-12T14:19:00.000-07:00

I had a very tough conversation with my boss at church on Wednesday. I told him that I've felt alone and abandoned by the church. I told him that it hurt to have meetings canceled over and over, and not being told that they were being canceled hurt even more. I told him that I've felt like Satellite has been put on the back burner but I keep hearing that it's important. I told him that it's hard for me to believe someone from council when they tell me that they are going to call to see how I'm doing. I told him that only one person on staff has asked me how I'm doing with what's going on. I told him that I didn't honestly didn't expect any "resolutions for continued support" for the Satellite congregation any time soon. I told things felt unfortunately familiar to a different situation at the church two years ago. I told him that I felt like a lame-duck. I told him I struggled to offer hope to the congregation because I was struggling with hope.

This was a really hard conversation to have. I respect my boss very much. I trust his wisdom and discernment. I believe that this is a very difficult decision for him, too. It was incredibly hard to say all of these things to someone I look up to. I didn't want to have this discussion, but I new I needed to. I knew I needed to tell him.

Dead to Fear, Alive at the Cross.

2007-01-07T00:41:00.000-07:00

I'm a morning person. Being awake at 1am isn't fun for me. But I'm awake for a reason, so I thought I'd share it. Fear has been something that has gripped me lately. It has held me in bondage. It has kept me in a dangerous comfort. It gives me an excuse to refuse the call on my life. But I'm tired of living in fear. Fear has a way of bring up the past to disqualify the future. Tonight I've been on my knees pleading for forgiveness, boldness, peace, and faith to go, do, and say what I have been created for.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians v,1

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to GOD in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal bodies so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of you body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to GOD, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.
Romans vi, 11-14

I wonder if I struggle with being freed from past sin is because I don't ask for it? Paul, in both passages, offers freedom as a choice. In the letter to the Galatians, he encourages them to "not [let yourselves] be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." It seems as if that gives them the option. They are burdened until they choose not to. And in his letter to the Romans he writes several "do not's" as if they have the choice to either do or do not do.

For in my inner being I delight in GOD's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to GOD-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to GOD's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Romans vii, 22-25

Paul continues with these powerful words: "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." Through Jesus, GOD offers freedom that cannot be experienced outside of the understanding of the cross. For at the cross GOD offers redemption. Apart from the cross there is condemnation.

I think that lately I've been forgetting the cross. GOD forgive me. I choose to fight against my sin nature on my own. And because of that I've been beaten, bruised, and broken. When all I need to do is seek for redemption at the foot of the cross. I understand that this isn't a "all my problems disappear" card, rather this is a way for me to give up/die to myself and ask that GOD guide me, forgive me, comfort me, and carry me. This is the freedom that GOD desires of me. In this freedom I'll find rest tonight.

Freedom?

2007-01-07T00:39:00.000-07:00

It's 12:40 and I can't fall asleep.
I tried to sleep.
It didn't work.
Prayer has been on my mind a lot lately.
For some reason I don't pray in the power that I say it holds.
I'll pray with other people for healing, comfort, peace, joy, faith, money, relationship.
And I believe every word I say, yet when I pray for myself I doubt.
Why?

How long will the past hold me bound
to mistakes I cant forget?
How long will I be
bound?

If Christ has set me free, why don't I live like I'm free?
How do I separate myself from the sin that so easily entangles?
How so I find forgiveness in repentance?
Where is there grace in abounding sin?

GOD, open my ears so that I can hear your voice.
GOD, open my eyes so that I can see your face.
GOD, soften my heart so that I can receive your comfort.

Fear of Failing Faith.

2007-01-04T12:36:00.000-07:00

One of the TV shows I regularly watched, while I was growing up, was Family Matters. It was set in Chicago, which won points with me right away. If you've never seen the show you should be ashamed of yourself. I was reminded of this show earlier this week when I had a self-discovery-type moment. In the fifth season of the show there was an episode entitled "That's What Friends are For." I didn't remember all the details of the episode, so I did some research. Eddie gets into college with a scholarship that he applied for. His good friend Waldo was the only person who wasn't excited for him because Waldo feared that this would be the end of their relationship. Meanwhile, Carl is going through some inner turmoil over taking his Lieutenant exam. Steve Urkel tries to comfort Carl, but he isn't quite sure what's wrong with him. After a moment of trying to figure out what's wrong, Steve blurts our, "I know what it is. you've got FOF!" Carl, not knowing what Steve is talking about, asks what FOF is. Steve starts to talk about Fear of Failure. He explains that Carl is stressing over his exam because he is scared that he is going to fail it. Steve starts reassuring Carl that he'll do fine, and because it's a sitcom everything works out in the end.

A little less than a month ago, I found out that the church I work for is going to stop funding to Satellite in March. (Satellite is a college/young adult ministry that I'm the 'coordinator' for) Right now we are waiting to hear what the church's next move is. In all honesty, I'm not really expecting an answer anytime soon. I know that GOD has called me into ministry, and the work I was doing with Satellite felt natural to me. I don't what to see that vaporise because we cant meet at the church. I believe GOD has been speaking to me about planting a church or a house church. I'm certain that it's GOD's voice. But I'm scared to death that it's GOD's voice. I'm going through a period of FOF right now. The idea of starting a church is exciting, but I can't move past the voices of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. When I'm thinking clearly I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. The problem is that it's easy for me to not think clearly. It's easy for me to think about the people who are apart of Satellite who might not even want to do this with me. It's easy to think about how extremely difficult it would be. It's easy to think that their could be years without "fruit" from the ministry.

Yesterday, Lauren was my Urkel. That's a scary thought. Let me explain before anyone has any ridiculous images in thier head. Lauren is an incredible encouragement to me. She reminds me about who I am and who I'm created to be. She tells me things that I don't want to believe are really true. She supports me and reminds me that the ring on her finger means a life time of support. Then she tripped over an extension chord, causing a lamp to crash to the ground. The light bulb burst and caught a blanket on fire. As she waived her hand to calm the flames she cried out, "Did I do that?" (Well, maybe not)

But I digress.
The idea of planting a church or hosting a home church is something that I've never done. It's difficult to even think about what it would be like. I'm afraid that my faith wont be strong enough to endure through the difficult times. Maybe I'm not going through Fear of Failure, but Fear of Failing Faith. I forget that the GOD who is calling me into this difficult situation is the same GOD who prepared the way for me to be in this situation. This is the same GOD who made the way possible for my move to Colorado two and a half years ago. This is the same GOD who has gently nudged and and times pushed me towards his will. I need to daily remind myself of GOD's faithfulness in my life. This is why the Jewish nation celebrates so many holidays. They are days to remember. I don't think that reminding me of GOD's faithfulness will automatically make things easier, but I believe it should help.

So my reminder for today: January 8th, 2006 we had a "Vision Planning Meeting." I remember sitting in Donnie's living room dreaming with a group of people that believed we were going to make a difference. We dreamed about serving the area around us through clothing drives, "sock offerings," VBS with an intercity church, working with Habitat 4 Humanity, and serving Hope House. These desires led us to doing most of these things. 7 months in a row we took food and clothes downtown to feed and cloth the homeless. A small group of people went to do work for Habitat. We helped restore a fence at Hope House. We sang Christmas Carols at Covenant Village. The desire to serve has stuck with us this past year. To GOD be the glory.

Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
If we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
If we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.

2 Timothy ii,11-13

These words bring strength to a failing faith.

Carpe Diem

2007-01-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. I set New Year's Resolutions. I'm OK with doing it. I try to set three or four each year, but this year I feel as though I've gone a bit overboard:

Wake up at 6:30 at least four mornings a week.
Work out at least twice a week (in various forms: gym, snowboarding, indoor soccer).
Use liturgy as a method of prayer.
Read through the Bible.
Journal more (this may or may not include blogging).
Start writing a book.

Many of these are tied closely together. If I wake up at a consistent time each day I will be more likely to work out. If I'm up earlier each day I will have more time to write. I think that as I read through the Bible I will desire to pray more. Or maybe it's the other way around. Starting to write a book is the one resolution that scares me. It scares me because I don't know how to write a book. It scares me because my grammar is sub par. But most of all, it scares me because I'm not really sure what I'm going to write about. I have an idea, though. I'd like to write about the Church, but I don't know what about. I think that it might be a type of autobiography. I believe that GOD has called me into ministry. I am certain of this. I believe, though, that the call on my life isn't to a particular age-group or demographic or country or religion, even, but to show a redemptive image of the Church to people who need redemption. This, I believe, is the call on my life. And this is what I think I might end up writing about.

Encourage me, if you will. I'll need it.

what do i have to show for it?

2006-12-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

ahh, Guitar Hero. where anyone can "rock the casbah." or is it lick the cat box? i'm not quite sure. for Christmas Lauren's brother, Stephen, received Guitar Hero II. when the gift giving was finished Guitar Hero was broken out of it's box and plugged in. there were a few of us there who had played a few times, but most hadn't. it was fun to watch people grab the guitar and rock out. one of my favorite moments was watching Lauren's dad, Terry, play an Anthrax song. if you knew Lauren's dad, this would make you giggle a little, too.

as we were playing, i was reminded of something i had read a month ago. i don't remember the exact quote, but it was something along the lines of "[my] generation being an experiential generation." the author gave some reasons for their statement, most having to do with technology. for example, we now have the ability to travel to the top of Everest via an IMAX theater. while the majority of the population couldn't make the trek, we have the desire to see what it is like. so, we have sent camera crews up the summit to document everything. HD T.V.'s (is that really how you write that?) are designed and marketed to give us a "life-like" viewing experience. have you seen the commercial that shows a family sitting in their living room watching a golf match on their TV? the golfer hits a ball into the deep rough and then starts to look for it. the golfer and the caddy can't find the ball, but the people in the living room can and they are yelling and pointing to the ball, that they can see because their TV is so life like-perhaps, better than life.

video games are becoming more and more life-like. the graphics are getting better and better. game play is becoming more and more realistic. Tony Hawk's Project 8 just came out. I played the demo at Best Buy last week. it was really sweet. the movement of the characters is incredible. i noticed the placement of the feet on the board was different for different skaters. no longer is there one skater with different skins to make the different skaters. the skaters carry their own personalities. i'm sure this is true with many of the games coming out now, but i noticed this in this game because i skate. during the bails, in particular, i can relate to the feeling of falling as they do in the game. the bails are getting more realistic- some of the ways that the characters bail are ways that i have bailed myself. last week i played the Nintendo Wii for the first time. if you haven't played it yet, you should. they put a gyro in the remote and a sensor bar that works with the remote via Bluetooth (i think). the gyro makes the remote motion sensitive, so if you move right the character will respond in a similar way.

here's the rub:
when i play Tony Hawk games it make me want to go out and skate. but when i do, i suck. the tricks that i can do in real life are utterly boring compared to what i can do in the game. when i played the bowling game for the Wii, i bowled a strike my first time playing the game. i bowled better, in the three frames i played, than i usually do in a whole game. i could probably bowl a 300 game on the Wii, but go to a bowling alley and bowl a 40. i can rock out on Guitar Hero and play Free Bird, but when it comes to actually playing that song i'm awful.

going back to the quote i mentioned earlier: [my] generation being an experiential generation. as i've thought about this quote i think i might disagree, to a point. dictionary.com defines 'experiential' as "pertaining to or derived from experience." and it defines 'experience' as a "particular instance of personally encountering or undergoing something." with the direction technology has been taking things i think we are not becoming a "experiential generation," but rather some sort of "pseudo-experiential generation." our pseudo-experiences are only as good as long as the power button is on. when the power goes off i have nothing to show for my experiences-except maybe a few calloused thumbs.

i wonder if this is cultivating a shallow generation? if my experiences are limited to video games and movies are they really my experiences? what do you think?

new thoughts. it's about time.

2006-12-26T13:39:00.000-07:00

i've had a number of thoughts swelling in my mind lately. here's a few. i'll probably make these into a few posts.
last week there was a lot of snow out here. i spent 3 days, gladly stuck at Lauren's house with her and her family. we were stuck under 34 inches of beautiful snow. we watched a few movies. ate some food. general frivolity.

here's a thought on love.

i think, as i find myself in love with Lauren, my view of life is altered. love has done this for me. i see things and translate things different because of love.
here's the example i've noticed:
Lauren and i enjoy watching movies together. there have been many times, as we watch together, that we squeeze each others hands or turning to each other because we are watching something that seems to be a part of who we are. people acting with characteristics that seem to mirror characteristics of our life and love. it seems as if we become more aware of what we are watching, more familiar with what is around us.
i don't know that i am explaining this well. am i? let me try this. Todd gave us a beautiful statue of two greek gods (i'm sorry if i'm not getting this right, Todd). that statue is of a man sitting on rock with his love leaning against his body. the woman has her head tilted back and the man is leading his head forward to kiss the womans forehead. when Lauren and i saw this we both noticed the placement of the kiss. we both love the statue, but it seemed to have special meaning because the statue is centered around a kiss to a forehead. when i look at the statue i am reminded of my love for Lauren.
am i crazy or does anyone else know what i'm talking about?

i have been busy.

2006-12-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

i haven't been blogging as often as i would like to.

i have been consumed with the realization that i'm loosing my job and getting married in the same month.

i have been struggling with a passion to be involve in ministry as a career, but knowing that as things stand right now that passion comes in conflict with the people whom i care about. is there a way to do both?

i have been realizing how little i actually pray. i pray quite a bit, but most of the prayers are about me and the specific situation i'm currently in. i want to devote more time to praying for other people. i want to devote more time to petitioning for other people.

i have been learning how to love Lauren better. i've been learning, unfortunately i haven't always been doing it.

i have been missing people from my past. Kris, Matt, Donnie. i miss having you around to talk with. i miss sharing life face to face.

i have been waiting in anticipation for GOD's salvation. Lord let your glory fall.

i have become more excited to see what GOD is doing with Satellite.

i have grown more and more in love with Lauren. i feel increasingly blessed for her comfort. i love the questions she asks and the answers she has. i love to watch her care for people.

quick update:

2006-12-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

i brought Chipotle to the meeting.
it was good, but i guess i didn't need it.

no one asked if i was doing ok.

it's pouring now.

2006-12-12T10:50:00.000-07:00

you're all familiar with the phrase, "when it rains, it pours" right? well, it's officially pouring. here's a quick rundown of the last 6 days.

Thursday:
i met with my boss at church to find out that because of the current financial situation , the church council decided that it was going to cut financial support to Satellite. yes, this includes my job. yes, this is the second time in two years that the church has cut the ministries that are geared toward college students/young adults. after finding this out i headed out to my car to drive off to another meeting. i got in my car, turned the key and nothing happened. during the two weeks leading up to last thursday i had a new radiator and water pump installed in my car. because of all the work being done i have been with out a car for most of the two weeks. at this point i've become used to walking, so i left my car and walked a few blocks to the place that i had my next meeting. i decided to leave my car where it stalled and come back for it some other time.
Friday:
friday wasn't a very good day. i was still reeling from knowing what was going on with my job and the people who are involved in Satellite. i still felt like i had been kicked in the gut. i wanted to tell everyone the news at the same time. so later in the evening i made phone calls to people to invite them over to my house to tell them the news before they heard about it in Sunday. these were some of the hardest phone calls i've had to make. i needed to be vague. i hoped that the calls would go to voice mail. it was so hard talking to people and not being able to tell them what was going on. i was able to talk to Lauren about it. that was a huge help, but even when i wanted to form words and put sentences together silence was all i had. her greatest comfort to me was her presence. i still had no answers to what was going on. i was still angry at the council's decision.
Saturday:
i called a mechanic about my car. they weren't open on the weekend, so i had to wait until Monday to talk to them. Saturday night people came over to talk. as people came in the house i could see the concern on their faces. it was so hard. my senior pastor was there to explain things. this was a big help. he needed to tell them. he shared what was going on and fielded some question for a few hours, and then left us to talk alone. there were a few obvious feelings from people: frustration, hurt, hope. the first two i expected. the third i didn't expect to hit for a few days. people were at my house for over 4 hours.
Sunday:
it was so hard to go to church. i felt betrayed. not only was there the regular church service, but we had an annual business meeting after the service. it was at this meeting that the council was going to tell the congregation about it's decision to cut funding to Satellite and the other things that needed to be cut. i knew i needed to be there. it was helpful to have Lauren, Krista, and Whitney there too. i was surprised at the vocal support that Satellite received from the congregation. but in the end the vote to accept the budget passed, deciding that Satellite would loose funding in March. it was frustrating to hear someone talk about my generation as "the generation that's leaving the church the quickest." (my comment wanted to be about how my generation isn't leaving the church, we're going to find the church) The comment makes sense because churches are choosing to cut funding to ministries geared toward the "kids" who are "leaving the church the quickest." it seems obvious to me, i must be missing something. there was a lady who made a comment about how the church isn't kicking Satellite out they just don't have a budget anymore. Satellite can still use the building and resources and stuff. bull shit.
Monday:
i dropped my car off at the mechanic. he said he would look at it and give me a call tomorrow. i spent a good portion of the day wavering back and forth on whether Satellite should stay with the church or try and be "church" on our own.
Today:
i found out my car is going to cost $1175 to fix the blown head gaskets. and i've got to go sit in a staff meeting today. i think i'm going to eat during the staff meeting. i'll just take a big bite of food when i think someone is going to ask me a question like, "how are you doing with all of this."

you give and take away
you give and take away
my heart will choose to say
LORD blessed be your name.

the deafening sound of silence...

2006-12-07T13:55:00.000-07:00

for those of you who have seen The Fountain you might have a visual of the situation.

do you remember the scene when Hugh's character was walking down the street? the only sound was the sound of his footsteps crunching snow on the sidewalk. he was deaf to the rest of the world. finally, he was shocked back to reality as a car horn honked as it nearly ran him over. when i saw that scene i really liked it. i really enjoyed the visual and audible effect. i had a moment like that today.

i had just finished a very serious meeting. i walked out to my car to head to another meeting. as i turned the key to my car nothing happened. my car wouldn't start. my next meeting was 4 blocks away, so i started to walk. as i walked down the sidewalk of a very busy street i heard nothing but my footsteps. my mind was blank--numb. the world around me seemed to disappear.

the silence
i experienced
during that
walk was painful.

there wasn't a point when i was shaken back to reality for me.
it was more of a gradual thing.

but that
time of silence
was deafening.

World AIDS Day

2006-12-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

[info from worldaidsday.com]
1981 had the first documented case of AIDS (then referred to as GRID). "Around forty million people are living with HIV throughout the world - and that number increases in every region every day. In the UK alone, more than 60,000 people are living with HIV and more than 7,000 more are diagnosed every year. Ignorance and prejudice are fueling the spread of a preventable disease."

if you've spent much time online today i imagine that you've seen something or another about (red). it's something Bono helped get started. you buy things from companies who are (red) companies and part of the money they make from your purchase goes to buying medicine that can help people with AIDS. i think this is a great idea. i like this idea because it plays on the consumerist nature of our culture. it's like saying, "all you have to do is keep spending money and you can help people." this is the type of cause that the US can get behind. it takes no commitment, other than having a red phone or t-shirt, and it's a really easy way to feel good about helping other people. "i really want to help people, so i bought a t-shirt. now whenever i wear it i'll remind myself how i helped someone else. i'm such a good person."

i realize that i might come across as annoyed, but that's cause i am. why is it that we need to receive something in return to help someone else. i often find myself saying that it's not about what i'm getting in return, it's about helping a particular person or cause. but when i get stopped by the waist-high cub scout, standing in front of King Soopers nervously asking people to buy popcorn for $15 a box instead of buying the same amount of popcorn for a fifth of the price inside, why don't i just hand him the money and tell him to keep the popcorn? instead i take my box of popcorn home with me and complain about how the popcorn wasn't even worth $15.
i get the feeling that (red) is playing off this psychology. for some reason, people wont give money to people in need unless they get something in return. shame on me. me, who believes that all i have is a gift from GOD. me, who says he trusts that GOD will provide all i need. how did i get here?

for the whole of my life AIDS has been a part of the world. i want to be a part of helping AIDS loose the devastating power it has had over the world for the last 25 years. i want to do something. but i want to do more than buy a GAP t-shirt. i want to be with people. i want my life to touch theirs. how do i do this with where i'm at in life right now. is there anything i can do beyond buying stuff? what do you think?

:on winter:

2006-11-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

the crunch of snow packing underfoot...
the sparkle of the sun reflecting off the snow...
the gasp of cold air refreshing warm lungs...
the sway of pine boughs holding the weight of snow...
the path of wandering footprints...

...is a reminder that winter has arrived.

thoughts about the two videos....

2006-11-28T10:59:00.002-07:00

i've been sitting on this video for a while. i couldn't quite figure out how to put both videos in one post. if you know how to do this, let me know.

a few thoughts from the video:
1. i forget that Billy Graham was young once. the majority of videos and images of him show him as a frail old man. he was once young and vibrant. it's true
2. i think Billy was acting as Jesus would with this interview. Jesus was often found hanging out with the "people," you know those "bad" people. Billy was quick witted, honest, and bold with his words. he didn't shy back or avoid anything Woody was asking.
3. a long time ago i read "Just As I Am" the autobiography of Billy Graham. watching this video reminded me of some of the early chapters of his life.
4. when i am in my 80's and look back on my life, and if i see that GOD has used me in 1/10000 of the ways that GOD used Billy, i will feel greatly blessed.

::enjoy::

Woody Allen Interviews Billy Graham??!!!

2006-11-28T10:59:00.001-07:00

Woody Allen Interviews Billy Graham, Continued

2006-11-28T10:38:00.001-07:00

whoa.

2006-11-27T13:36:00.000-07:00

i've had a few post waiting in the draft column, but i've decided to scrap them.
i can believe how quickly this year is coming to an end.
the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas always passes by too quickly.
the realization of getting married continues to bring a smile to my face.
i feel bad about talking so long about seemingly so little last night.
i wish there was snow on the ground.
i need to get my car fixed.
i'm excited about going to the Nutcracker this weekend.
snowboarding wont come soon enough.
it's date night day.
i spend too much time on stuff and not enough time with people.
i've been missing people a few certain people lately.
the distance of a few miles is a poor excuse not to spend time with someone.
i wonder where i'll be a year from now.
i am still learning.

parachurch and church responsibilty

2006-11-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

i recently wrote an email in which i took a short deviation and inserted a paragraph or so of my thoughts on "church." afterwards i came to the realization that while i have thought about the topic and had numerous conversations about it, i haven't really put my thoughts down in written words. i given myself a premature new years resolution of starting to write a book on the topic of "church." so i might make a few post here and there along this topic. and don't be surprised if i ask to interview you next year. i don't want to call this part 1 because it isn't really. it's just a part.

many years ago i felt called into ministry. at first i thought my calling was into youth ministry. i got involved with Young Life for a few years. Young Life is an amazing ministry aimed at taking the gospel to the lives of high school and junior high students. it would be considered a parachurch ministry meaning that it is designed to work "along side" of the church. Young Life will make the clear statement that they are not a church, nor is that their intention. their mission is to reach "every kid for Christ." they understand that their mission is to make students into followers of Christ and help them get plugged into a local church. this is often the hardest part of the ministry. Young Life is uses a weekly club meeting filled with messy games, crazy skits, loud music, and a short gospel message to reach students. but when kids come to know Christ and are encouraged to get plugged into a church it's difficult because the elements of club that the kids were drawn to are not found in a typical church. kids see a church where you have to sit and be still for an hour or more, and they want nothing to do with it. so most kids opt to stay in Young Life and struggle with growing in their faith, because Young Life is designed to expose kids to the gospel rather then help them grow deeper in their faith. this is where the relationship between church and parachurch becomes so important. if both ministries are doing what they are supposed to then evangelism and discipleship are being done.

i think i'd like to develop this both and idea of the parachurch needing the church and the church needing the parachurch. if you have any thoughts, i'd love to hear them.

question?

2006-11-17T14:48:00.000-07:00

what's your definition of "church?"

i'm planning on making a post to give background for this question, but i wanted to separate the posts so the question wouldn't get lost in the other post. i would love your comments.

thanks.

first powder day of the year

2006-11-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

alan slept in; gabe wasn't up for it. too bad. the snow was epic. 8" of fresh snow last night. first tracks for 3 runs. duck under the rope for knee-deep, untouched powder.

sometimes books pull me away from stagnation...

2006-11-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

i've been trying to force myself to take time off. this isn't an easy thing for me. Lauren's been helping me though. yesterday morning i didn't work; not turning the computer on helped greatly. i spent a few hours reading "The Doctrine of Reconciliation" by Karl Barth. reading Barth makes my head hurt. i think i'm going to set a new years resolution to start this book over, and finish it in 2007. i like setting new years resolutions. i usually complete them. i'm also thinking of starting to work on a book.

as i was reading Barth i was reminded of a few other books that i'd been wanting to read, so off to Barns and Noble. thirty minutes later i was heading home with 1984 by George Orwell, The Secret Message of Jesus: Uncovering the Truth that Could Change Everything by Brian McLaren, and Organic Church by Neil Cole. i haven't bought any books lately, so my splurge seemed justified in my mind. i started reading Organic Church yesterday. in one of my classes at TIU one of my professors used the term "organic ministry." when this bas ook came out last year it made it's way to my "should eventually buy" list. i made it through a chapter and a half during my walk to work. i had to stop reading a few times to think. i had two thoughts that i want to work through. feel free to give some thoughts.

1. in thinking about ministry with Satellite: i wonder if Satellite should be in the ministry of planting home churches rather than small groups? as i was thinking through this and this first thing that popped into my head was the announcements that Gabe gave on Sunday. most of the announcements were for things going on hosted at the Ninja Den. why cant the Ninja Den be a church? granted the biggest reason for this not to happen is that people might not like the idea of home churches. but my guess is that the thoughts they have about them are just preconceived ideas because i don't really know anyone who has been a part of a home church.

i'm really intrigued by this idea. the more i try to understand my calling i think that planting churches might be part of it. which is becoming increasingly ironic because of the growing frustrations i have with the North American church. which is even more ironic because of my job.

2. i want to be able to put all of my time into ministry. it's hard for me to have a job that takes my time away from ministry. i've been questioning the thought of raising support. this scares me a lot. the fear of raising support is what kept me from going on staff with Young Life. I've been thinking about this possibility quite a bit lately, but as i was reading Organic Church yesterday i had a new thought along the lines of raising support. what if the support i raised wasn't to do ministry for the church, but for some other element of ministry? maybe i would be raising support as a missionary. i've got to think this through some more to develop what it is that i could be doing.

well, there you go.
enjoy.

GOD's history for us (old post)

2006-11-13T16:38:00.000-07:00

the HomeTeams are reading through the book of Esther now. after spending a few weeks discussing the first few chapters together i'm realizing that it really is a different type of book than Philippians. Philippians was written as a letter from 2 people to a group of people. the words that they wrote were written as an outpouring of their hearts. however, with Esther it's very different. Esther was written down as a historical story of GOD's salvation (again) for his people. The story of Esther was to be told each year at the festival of purim to remind the Israelites that once again GOD had saved them.

i think it's easy for us to forget that history is an important part of our faith. i think that it's something we easily overlook. but there's a reason that there are more pages in the Bible dedicated to the history of GOD's people than to stories of Jesus. with history we can see GOD's provision and be sure that if he is a consistent GOD then he will continue with his provision. the life and death of Jesus is another part of that provision. please don't hear what i'm not saying; Jesus is important, so very important, but i think it's easy to neglect parts of the Bible that don't deal with Jesus. please take my words with grace, but what if the Bible isn't about Jesus, but about GOD. and the story of Jesus isn't the focal point of the story, but another part of the story of GOD? if this was true, and we read scripture in this context, i wonder what impact it would have on our lives?

So, i was sitting outside of Starbucks the other day...(old post)

2006-11-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

...and that might come as a surprise to some of you, but I do that quite often. I was talking with someone, and a car pulled up and a dad and young son (4-5 years old, I'm guessing) got out of the car in the parking lot. They walked to the sidewalk and then the boy took off running all the while the dad was walking behind him. I was watching this happen as I was continuing my conversation with my friend. As the boy ran past me I hear him calling over his shoulder to his dad, "Tell me when to stop!" The dad called ahead to him, "Keep going." And the boy yelled again, "Tell me when to stop!" The dad called ahead, "Turn right up there," and the boy did.

When I couldn't hear them anymore, I turned my whole attention back to the conversation, and didn't really think much about it until I was leaving and saw them again- the boy out in front calling over his shoulder again. I stopped and watched them, and I thought that I was seeing a really cool picture of GOD interacting with his children. I wonder how often I'm like that little boy? How many times do I take off running trusting that GOD will tell me when I should stop and where I should turn? Or how often is GOD walking calmly behind me, while I franticly run ahead, all the while he knows where we are going and I keep running while I'm waiting for his voice to direct me?

I wonder.

my struggles with blogging

2006-11-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

blogging in it of itself is not a difficult task. it isn't a difficult thing for me to have thoughts swirling around my head that i wish to post. what's hard is that i get stuck. i've been studying the topic of GOD's covenant with Abram and i've been really intrigued by it. the more i study the more i want to post. but i don't want to post and incomplete thought. so i wait to post, but get distracted in the mean time.

i've come to a place where i'm alright with either posting incomplete thought or making posts far apart. i know you've all been waiting in eager expectation for me to continue posting, so maybe this will help ease your worried souls.

cheers.

curses curses curses

2006-11-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

curse you computer with your random freezing and crashing. curse you.

i was a paragraph short of being done with "part 2" of "circumcision and the law," but then my computer crashed. i've noticed that this seems to happen often when i'm trying to import CDs into iTunes. curse you iTunes.

i'll try to post later tonight. i had hoped to have part 3 done tomorrow. things might get pushed back a day. sorry.

GOD's covenant and circumcision. (part 1)

2006-10-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

circumcision.
here i go.

let's start in Genesis 12. GOD calls Abram to leave all he knows. the LORD said to Abram:
"I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you;
I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.
I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse,
and all the peoples on earth will be blessed through you."
so Abram goes.

Genesis 15. GOD reminds Abram that he is with him. Abram is confused because he doesn't have any kids, and he cant understand how he is going to be made "into a great nation." GOD tells Abram that he will provide a son for him, a son from his own body.

Genesis 17. GOD goes to Abram and says:
"I am GOD Almighty, walk before me and be blameless.
I will confirm my covenant between me
and you and will greatly increase your numbers."
Abram is 99 now. At this point GOD changes Abram's name to Abraham. (there are many cool things going on with GOD changing Abram's name, but now isn't the time to discuss them.) GOD then tells Abraham that he is going to confirm the covenant with circumcision. Circumcision become the sign of the covenant (but it is not the covenant). GOD tells Abraham that he must be circumcised and for the generations that follow every male must be circumcised whether they are born in his household or a foreigner.

I thought I would offer a definition of circumcision for the sake any confusion. This comes from dictionary.com.

cir‧cum‧cise [sur-kuhm-sahyz]
–verb (used with object), -cised, -cis‧ing.

1.	to remove the prepuce of (a male), esp. as a religious rite.

2.	to remove the clitoris, prepuce, or labia of (a female).

3.	to purify spiritually.

If you want some more info, check this page.

Now that that's out of the way we can get down to business.
However, I'm about to get kicked out of Kind Coffee.
So I guess you'll have to stay tuned.
Good night.

blast you, luther!

2006-10-31T10:58:00.000-07:00

in the midst of formulating some thoughts about circumcision and the law i've come across this quote:

The glory of God, which is in itself more excellent than the salvation of men, ought to receive from us a higher degree of esteem and regard. Believers earnestly desirous that the glory of God should be promoted, forget men, and forget the world, and would rather choose that the whole world should perish, than that the smallest portion of the glory of God should be withdrawn.

-Martin Luther

how am i supposed to just let this thought pass by?

It's coming.

2006-10-25T10:04:00.000-06:00

I've been working on a post that involves some thoughts on a "contemporary" application of the Law. Be patient, it's coming.

blessed on a fall eve.

2006-10-13T18:40:00.000-06:00

how can you paint
    with a brush so big,
    on a canvas so vast
that i might see.
    the colors appear
       and colors fade,
from west to east
       against the clouds
       and darkening sky.

oh, who am i
       to see,
       to feel,
to capture the beauty
       you display,
       you showcase
for such a brief moment in time.
                                        then gone.

.:thoughts and questions to come:.

2006-10-12T18:21:00.000-06:00

for most of the day my mind has been racing. thoughts fly through my head faster than i'm able to capture them. yet in sharp contrast, there have been moments when my mind has seemingly stood still, unable to create even a simple thought. i came to the conclusion that if i make a few notes for myself i might be able to come back to a few bloggable thoughts.

i still have thoughts and questions about the struggling with what the law represents to believers today. as i read through the new testament and find writers urging people to not be bound by the law, how do i translate that into my life today? i have never been bound by the law that was established for the Jewish nation. should this be a symbol for something in my life?

i have been having a really rough day today. i couldn't put words to why it was that i was feeling the way i was. this was especially hard as my fiancé was trying to help but couldn't do anything for me because i didn't know what i needed. late in the morning i laid back down to attempt a nap, but was still very restless. as i laid there a thought came to mind that could give me reason for feeling the way i had been. GOD wasn't speaking to me. It made sense to me. i had awoke twice during the night, last night, and ask GOD what he wanted. this has become a common practice for me. if i wake up in the middle of the night i ask GOD why he's waking me up, and he brings to mind people to pray for or sins to confess. but last night was different. i was woken up twice and received no response from GOD. and to top it off, i spent yesterday starting preparation for the next 2 months of messages for Satellite, and as i look back on my day it seems as though GOD wasn't speaking to me then either. i still don't feel as if GOD has started speaking to me again. what am i suppose to do? do i continue to prepare for a message this week and the weeks to come without hearing GOD's voice?

it's been increasingly hard to feel like the people closest to me in proximity are not those closest to me emotionally. maybe i can put this in a different way. i've been struggling with the position as a coordinator (or pastor or overseer or whatever) within regards to how close i let myself get to people. i want to be available for people to talk with and share my life with them, but is that appropriate? should i allow myself to open up to everyone in the Satellite community when so much of my life is wrapped up in "church stuff?" i feel like there are so many times when i want to expose the struggles i'm going through but i don't because i don't think it's necessary for people to know all of what's going on. this is one of my biggest frustrations as i'm learning what it means to be "on staff," in a pastoral role, for a church. there is community forming all around me, and i'm blessed to see it happen, but there is a longing within me to be apart of it. should i look for community outside of the church i work at as a way to balance all of this?

i'll leave this list at three things; though there are probably three more. i'd love some suggestions on which of this to try to tackle first. maybe this weekend i'll sit and write.

if you pray, please pray for me. these last two things weigh very heavy on my heart.

"keep me in your pocket if you have one,
keep me in your heart if you have no pocket."
-Thomas Merton

the law and me (part 1...probably)

2006-10-11T22:17:00.000-06:00

i've given myself the goal of reading Paul's letter to the Galatian church each day this month. the goal was initiated because for the next 2 months at Satellite i'll be teaching through Galatians 5. i'm sure there will be more posts on this as i study and find questions, but for now my question comes from a broad reading of the whole letter.

is there anything comparable to "the law" in our day and age? i find it so difficult to read Paul talking about people "returning to the law" because i don't know the law. i guess i should say that i don't know what it's like to live under the law. i know about the law that is being discussed, but i don't think i've ever felt bondage to it. my quick answer is that "the law" isn't about a physical law that was established but rather a bondage to something that cannot empart salvation. although this is my quick answer it doesn't seemed to be one that will last for very long.

Paul was writing to the church in Galatia to those in the church knew "the law." they had grown up under it's teaching; it was their life. does "the law" transfer into our lives as the same "law" that Paul was writing, or is there somthing in our daily lives that was can call "the law?"

let me know what you think. i'd love some conversation.

one LOVE

question about conversation...

2006-10-10T12:41:00.000-06:00

i was listening to a podcast yesterday (ekklesiaphx: An emerging converation on Christian spirituality) on a topic that i like to engage in: the emergent church. one of the uniqunesses within the emergent conversation is the ability to disagree with whom you are talking to and still be fully involved in the conversation. it's accepted and encouraged to have conversations with people who have different opinions. we as a Church, as a group of people seeking after Christ, need this. it's a fresh breath of air to the stale lungs of tradition for traditions sake.

as i was listening to this perticular podcast the host used himself as an authority for a definition for words or phrases. he would say things like, "this is my definition of..." i realize that this can be used as a method of restating the definition, but i guess i need some clarification. if, in conversation we continue to refer to ourselves as the authority or source, then what benifit is the conversation? if we just simply sat that we believe something and "that's that," then what's the point. how does that benifit the person we might be talking to? it seems that this question is asked and answered within the realm of sports, but it's unacceptable for theology. if sports were approached like postmodern theological conversation i think it might look like this:

bro: i'm a bears fan.
dude: good for you, i'm a broncos fan.
bro: wow, that's great. they are having a great year, aren't they?
dude: yep, they're the best.
bro: they're having a good year, but they aren't better then my bears.
dude: silly boy, of course they are. they're undefeated and on course to set 15 records.
bro: i think i've missed something, because i thought that they've lost a game or two.
dude: nope, perfect season.
bro: i think you might be mistaken.
dude: nope, they're the best team in the league, by my definition, of course.

anyone overhearing this conversation would think that gabe is loosing it because it's obvious that dude's broncos aren't doing as good as bro's bears. there is an element of personal opinion that comes into play, but by dude saying that the broncos have never lost is a fact that cannot be argued. if dude said that the broncos are his favorite team because he likes their colors, that would be different.

one of the hardest elements of the postmodern conversation for me to be apart of is pluralism. there must be something that is absolute, something foundational. somewhere in the mix something is going to contridict itself. what i struggle with is where the foundation starts. even saying that the foundation is the Word of GOD is difficult because the interpretation of scripture has been debated since scripture has been scripture. what do we do with this? the only thing i can think of is that our understand of something can be held as true until it contridicts something, then we must evaluate which of the two things is true. this approach, then would most likely lead us to continually reevaluate what our foundation for truth is, rather than throw truth out all together.

what do you think?

when it smells like home.

2006-10-09T23:08:00.000-06:00

there's something about the sound of rain that brings peace to my soul. it might help that i spent some time sitting on the porch and reading my favorite T.S. Eliot and Elizabeth Barrett Browning poems. here's a few for you, too:

Mr. Eliot from choruses from 'The Rock'
What life have you if you have not life together?
There is no life that is not in community,
And no community not lifed in praise of GOD.
Even the anchorite who meditates alone,
For whom the days and nights repeat the praise of GOD,
Prays for the Church, the Body of Chirst incarnate.
And now you live dispersed on ribbon roads,
And no man knows or cares who is his neighbor
Unless hes neighbour makes too much disturbance,
But all dash to and fro in motor cars,
Familiar with the roads and settled nowhere.
Nor does the family even move about together,
But every son would have his motor cycle,
And daughters ride away on casual pillions.

Mrs. Barrett Browning from Sonnets Form the Portuguese:
A heavy heart, Beloved, have I borne
From year to year until I saw thy face,
and sorrow after sorrow took the place
Of all those natural joys as lightly worn
As the stringed pearls, each lifted in its turn
By a beating heart at dance-time. Hopes apace
Were changed to long despairs, till God's own grace
Could scarcely lift above the world forlorn
My heavy heart. Then thou didst bid me bring
And let it drop adown thy calmly great
Deep being! Fast it sinketh, as a thing
Which its own nature doth precipitate,
While thine doth close above it, mediating
Betwixt the stars and the unaccomplished fate.

maybe one of these days i'll post something original here. it might have to rain a bit more for that to happen, though.

i still suck at blogging.

2006-10-09T23:04:00.000-06:00

i found this old blog i had a while ago.
i thought i'll try to resurrect it.
be patient.

Spiritual understanding...

2005-02-24T14:21:00.000-07:00

In "Reimagining Spiritual Formation," by Doug Pagitt and the Solomon's Porch Community six members of the community write journal entries throughout the book. This method of writing a book offers great insight to the community.

Javier wrote about a man who told him that he had handed out a bag of tracts at a hockey game. Here's what Javier wrote:
"Don't get me wrong; I am a whole-hearted proponent of telling people the story of the gospel. I just thought that giving someone you have never met a pamphlet and saying something like 'Here; take this and read it when you have the time' doesn't amount to much in the way of retelling any stories, much less telling the story of redemption"

He continues:

"If you are going to take the time to give someone a little pamphlet with the words 'Secret to Life,' please at least have the courtesy to talk to them and dialogue with them. And if you are out eating and even thinking about leaving one, let me save you the mental anguish you will go through...you are just wasting your time."

I don't think it was Javier's ambition to use this journal entry as a platform for th emergent cultures view of tracts, but postmodern Christians tend to hold to "relational ministry/evangelism." here's my question though, does the emergent church put so much emphasis on "relational evangelism" that they might miss an oppourtunity to listen to the Holy Spirit encourage them to do something that they don't understand?

Running Again

2005-02-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

it's been 20 days since I've posted because I was having a terrible time with my whole username/password. it made me feel very helpless. my remedy: start all over. so here I go again.

Off and Running

2005-02-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

well this short post will be my reintroduction into the world of blogging.
i spent some time on livejournal and xanga, but i found a lot of kids wondering around those sites. my hope with this blog is to help focus my thoughts and questions about the church and postmodernity.